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Possibly the gayest class on earth after 7-8th grade (Pre grade 7-8 VERY useful class). A class where one has to over analysis ever little detail in a play, story, essay etc.
Marks are solely based off what kind of teacher you have. You can have the teacher that really doesn't care that much and will give a mark of 80%+ for doing jack shit. Or you can have the kind of teacher that over analysis' ever sentence of your essay and as a result will reward you with a shitty mark (eg 60%) Even though you spent hours on the essay.
The final years of English (grade 11&12 especially 12)is, for some reason, the most important class to take and is technically the only "true" prerequisite for university or college (being that you can get into uni/college programs with only English and no need for math or the sciences and every uni/college program requires English).
In conclusion, English class can either be a walk through the park or hell on Earth for 5 months. Either way it requires you to over analysis ever little detail in plays, essays, stories etc. and make up bullshited thesis' and thematic statements that no one gives a RATS ASS ABOUT. It will usually become your most hated class (doesn't matter what teacher you have) because of the overall stupidity of it and the lack of actual knowledge gained.
Average teenage male after reading Hamlet in English class:
ATM: Wow, that was the gayest piece of shit I've ever read...
High School English teacher conversation:
Class A student: Hey, what'd you get on your essay, I got 90%
Class B student: 60% and I spent 4 hours on it I have a HARDASS teacher
Class A student: LOL I spent an hour and got 90%, I think it's because my teacher doesn't care though lol....
After 5 months of grade 12 English:
Bob: Hey what do you learn in English this year
Fred: Nothing, just like the previous years.
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probably the most useless class in school. analyzing sentences and poems and crap for no good reason. all you can really do with your knowledge about it is say "i know what a sentence is" and "i know that shakespeare wrote some crap".
John: I love english class!
Sane person: *pulls out shotgun*
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A terrace full of English football fans chanting or attempting to sing popular songs, always amended with highly offensive lyrics directed at the opposing fans or players of the opposing team.
"England is down by 8-0; here goes the English Choir"
"The English Choir has started already and the game hasn't even started"
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To speak in a very slow manner so those with limited understanding of English can understand you better. Used extensively in conversations with foreigners whilst working abroad or in discussions with those new to the United Kingdom from say India. Also involves the use of simple words in simply constructed sentences. First expressed by Sir Alan Sugar on The Apprentice.
'W H A T, D O, Y O U, T H I N K, A B O U T, T H A T, I D E A, ?' followed by a nod (or waggle) of the head from the other party and my immediate response ' N O, T H A T, W A S, A, Q U E S T I O N, I, A M, S P E A K I N G, I N, EXPORT ENGLISH, S O, Y O U, C A N, U N D E R S T A N D, M E.
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When a person of the male gender pulls his pants down, bends over, tucks his testicles between his thighs and projects his rear end toward his companions.
Rakeem: "Hey Jacob, wanna see an English Bulldog?"
Jacob: "What's an English Bulldog?"
Rakeem: *presents English Bulldog*
Jacob: "Ahhh damn Rakeem, you got me again!"
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A two year program in which numerous texts are crammed into the minds of teenagers. The IBO assumes that we teenagers can figure out all of the expressionist metaphors in Death of a Salesman and all of the symbolic tragedies and allusions in Hamlet.
Paper 1 - A paper that comprises of an unseen prose or poetry piece, in which the student is responsible for fabricating a commentary on it. Or in short, a paper designed to fail students.
Paper 2 - A student is assumed to know at least 2 works. The student chooses a question and writes a commentary. The IBO knows which books we read and intentionally give us a question we cannot relate to.
IB English Student 1: I was up all night doing homework!
IB English Student 2: Yeah same! I had no idea how the scene between Hamlet and her mother was indicating Freudian concepts...
IB English Student 1: Fuck IB.
IB English Student 2: We should have just taken AP...
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someone who teaches english class
1. a good english teacher helps you improve writing, public speaking, spelling, etc. they don't just make you write essays, they do fun activities too. most english teachers are like this in elementry and middle school.
2. a bad english teacher is someone who forces vocabulary and essays on you and expects you to know how to improve your writing when they say "this paragraph wasnt strong enough". they also make you over analyze stuff when the author was probably just being straightforward! they may hold a grudge because they were fired for the next year and are moving to south africa. they also hate your class because they think you dont like him because he is gay when you really dont care!
1. english teacher: ok class, today we are going to watch a movie of the book we just read and fill out a sheet comparing the two. there is also a worksheet on how to compare books to movies.
2. A.english teacher: you really need to make your writing stronger
student: how can i do that?
english teacher: you can turn it in to me again on saturday at 11:59 pm for a 10% grade deduction
B.english teacher: i was surprised that your writing was so good this time. maybe it was a little too good.
student: wtf??
english teacher:i think you used another source for this essay
student: uh, no i wrote this essay
english teacher: please credit secondary sources
C.english teacher: i think you dont take this class seriously and you make me and my class into a joke
student: no i spend hours writing my essays for your really hard class and i dont make fun of the class, i just make jokes when were not doing anything and theyre not about you or this class
english teacher: please take this class more seriously and dont make fun of my poster that says "i dont even think straight" and has a rainbow on it
student: umm... i have never made fun of that (but i could if i wanted to)
D.student: have a nice weekend mr. ______
english teacher: *grunts*
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