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To countrymen townies are either chavs or wealthy middleclass folk from big cities and suburbs who relocate to the country in search of more space to pursue their townie life-style. Townies know next to nothing about the country and generally don't attempt to adapt to country ways or acquire a country ethos. They inhabit only large houses - old rectories, farm houses, barn conversions and follies - and have at least one 4WD.
They surround their house with a stout fence, Leylandii hedge and something approaching street lighting as they can't bear the impenetrable darkness or the night sky.
They often tire very quickly of the countryside with its noise, mud, smells, unruly vegetation and poor ameneties and relocate to a country market town, or return to the city whence they came.
The main event of the year for a townie living in the countryside is the mid-summer party for which he erects a huge tent, brings in a band which blares out noisy thumpy music all night long to the consternation of wildlife and humans in a radius of 5 miles or so, and which is punctuated by the midnight fireworks display by which means he hopes to establish a pre-eminent social position/pretensions.
The damned townies are buying up all the good property and we locals aren't getting a look in.
One townie to another 'what did you think of the fireworks tonight?''Great, but you should get my sort of rocket. Costs more but goes higher' (Unspoken: next time earn a city bonus like mine and you'll be able to afford them)
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Scum of the earth. Wannabee Prostitutes.
Fight starting, ugly, peices of shite.
Description:
usually chewing gum, txting aswell, short skirts, high boots (pink, fluffy or both)*shudder*
greased back, greasy, straitened, permed, shat on, hair. Fake nails and too much lip gloss so it looks like they had plastic surgery in all the WRONG places. Usually covered in spots from eating at McDonalds everyday. The enemies of grungers(the cool interesting funny people)and goths.
allies of chavs (male version)
Both have an IQ similar to their shoe size.
i could go on but i wd bore ya.
Townies: WOT CHOO LOOKIN AH?
Grungers: not much.
Townies supported by chavs: U wanna start a fight do ya?
Grungers: not really...
Townies an Chavs: Scared are ya?
Grungers: Of you...no. Of your face...yes.
Chavs: Right thats it.
*chavs try to knock out grungers. Miss and end up hitting another chav on the other side, swear and then run, as the grungers are prepared to fight back. And win. As they usually do.*
This usually happens everyday in town, or around town.
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Life ruiners, scum of the world
Townie : "ohhhhh, can i have some drugs to feed my baseball bat?"
Townie : "lets go clubbin an kill people with our weapons!"
Townie : "whats that? I listen to shit?"
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townies also hate grebs, grungers, and basicaly any one who is not a townie.
townies do not understand much even though they think they do.
they also try to act hard infront of friends, especialy ones of the opposite sex (boys try to impress girls and vise verse).
male townie "ye im so ard nd tha', no one is eva gunna botha me"
female townie automaticaly respects them as they are quite gulible
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People who spk lyk dis cos it iz well sound innit...*shudders*.
Also many other ways to describe them but can't be bothhhherd
Townie 1: Origggghhhhh
Townie 2: Orrriiggghhh
Townie 1: Owz u
Townie 2: 'righhhht u?
...a few minutes later...(Townies 1 and 2 walk past some poeple who don't dress the ame as them in their matching hoodys and trakky bottoms. The people look at them...)
Townie 1: Oi, Youu startinnn'?
People look..and reply 'no..why'?
Townie 2: YER MUMMM (for no apparent reason
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A Spiecies unto themselves - The definition of a towny:
An unfortunate species who are never going to amount to anything except at best a supermarket cashier (no offence to any nice supermarket cashiers out there) with about five children by the age of 23 - the first of which was concieved when the mother was at or around 12-years-old; it is unlikely that the father would be known as they tend not to stay around for very long - it's possibly some kind of anchient custom.
They spend their time at school wasting time and tax payers money whilst making a mockery of anyone who is better than them.
It is very rare that you will find a towny who speaks in anything more advanced than duosyllables, unless it is an obsenity, in which case fire away!
They also have their own branch of language, encorporating words such as: ka-ching (money), bling-bling (odd shiny objects of some kind) and 'fuckin innit-like' (presumably some kind of greeting?) Other words such as chilling, fit and grass have been taken out of context and used to descrice satisfactory, attractive and to tell tales.
Townies can be identified by tacky tracksuits, large socks, even larger caps, fake designer labels and 'gold' rings, watches and dog tags which they like to refer to as 'blin-bling'or 'well blingin'. It is believed by other members of the speicies that the more 'blingin' you are, the more highly you should be regarded as a person; civilised people understand that this is rather a bestial trate, however the towny can be excused as their brains are never more than the size of a large raisin.
Townies are currently initiated in a tribal warefare with the far superior cults of grebos, punks, skaters, goths excetera. Collectively, these other groups are known as 'alternative'. This is a state of being with which townies narrow minds dissalow them to abide and so and encounter between the two groups usually results in either physical or verbal abuse, granted the fact that the verbal abuse of a townie is rarely more than a string of f's and c's flying around in various directions.
In the end just remember one thing: You are better than them; they are to be pittied, not hated.
Lewis be a towny. He is well blingin. One day Lewis did fuck Jade who is well fit, innit. 6 months later, Jade noticed that she was prgnant (it took that long for her brain to compute the information). Jade told her old man who kicked Lewis' head in. Lewis died. Nobody cared. Jades' old man got chucked in the nick but it was worf it to see that scum 6' under, innit like.
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The old word for chav which, frankly, sounds a lot better and less self-consciously constructed to sound obnoxious by a group of journalists on a slow July nesday.
"Oh great, another pack of townies coming to kick my head in because I don't conform to their world view."
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