The masturbating ninja technique

When a gentlemen decides to enter the masturbatory stage of his day, he may decide to deploy the homo sapien style (standing up) only to realize his t-shirt drops down into penile range. To avoid ejaculate or any lubratory means being transferred onto ones personnel, the ninja technique is engaged by whipping the front flap of the t-shirt over the head to create a warm, stylish, and protective measure against the army of unbelievable stickiness.

Policeman 1: "We found this fine young lad frozen to death here in the arctic tundra'.
Policeman 2: "It looks like he's been out here for weeks and missed the warm soothing touch of a woman, and decided to literally take matters into his own hands".
Policeman 1: "Correctomundo. If only he had a mentor to teach him the ways of the masturbating ninja technique, he might have pulled through".
Policeman 2: "Hey! Yeah that's true. If only he kept his shirt flipped over his head with his shoulders covered instead of taking it completely off, he'd still be here today".
Policeman 1: "Poor, poor, uninformed bastard".

The Lebron James Technique

The Lebron James Technique is a cheap move by trying to divert attention away from yourself after you did something that caused you a bad reputation. The technique involves asking the person criticizing you, "What should I do?" followed by offering a number of ridiculous hypothetical situations that make the person feel sorry for you.

Stop using The Lebron James Technique, and just admit what you did was wrong.

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coital alignment technique

The coital alignment technique (CAT). During conventional man-on-top intercourse, erections move almost horizontally. In 1988, New York sex researcher Edward Eichel urged men to shift forward and to one side so his chest covers one of her shoulders. With this change, erections move more up and down, and the pubic bone at the base of the penis makes more direct contact with the clitoris. Several studies have shown that Eichel was correct. The CAT doesn’t guarantee women orgasms during man-on-top intercourse, and it’s no substitute for gentle, extended clitoral caresses by hand, mouth, or vibrator. But the CAT significantly improves most women’s ability to have orgasms during man-on-top intercourse

Avoid deep, thrusting, and instead try the Coital Alignment Technique," says Taylor.

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Exploding Nutsack Technique

An extremely dificult technique to pull of on Gears of War and Gears of War 2. Its when you soot somebody in the nutsack with a torque bow and watch as there nuts blow off of there body.

Guy 1: Wtf!! That n00b actually got me with the exploding nutsack technique!! Guy 2: Wow!!! You just got pwned by a n00b. Look at your nuts flying across the screen

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Bermuda Triangle Technique

The technique involving three males forming a triangle around a female and taking their penises out of their pants. From here they continue to violently 'fap' them against their stomachs, the Bermuda Triangle is an incredibly efficient escape technique.

John- "Oi billy! Is it true that Mrs McGarry caught you, sam and Joe doing drugs in the stair case?"

Billy- "She did mate, however we escaped using the bermuda triangle technique."

John- "Oh, good move."

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THE TECHNIQUE PART 2

PART 11 - SHE WILL BEG FOR THIS SMEG

PART 12 - SMASH HER IN THE SUITE WITH YOUR MEAT

PART 13 - HIT THAT BUMPER AND THEN PUMP HER

PART 14 - SHOW YOUR POWER WITH A GOLDEN SHOWER

PART 15 - IT WILL BE A DUB WHEN YOU JOIN THE MILE HIGH CLUB

PART 16 - YOU'LL BE IN A HURRY TO SMASH THAT FURRY

PART 17 - SHE WILL COMPLY FOR THAT CREAMPIE

PART 18 - MAKE HER SOGGY WITH THAT DOGGY

PART 19 - EAT THAT BOOTY BECAUSE IT TASTES FRUITY

PART 20 - YOU'LL BE GETTING HAIRY WITH THAT MISSIONARY

YO JOE I did the technique part 2 on Britney last night however, that furry from down the street had to join in for part 16

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Butter Knife Technique

During intercourse a man ejaculates onto the woman’s forehead. The man quickly reaches for his butter knife and spreads the cum across the woman’s forehead like he’s buttering bread

Chris: “Yo guys I tried out the butter knife technique on Leela, she was so pissed.”