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Gah...those chavs really do suck.
You can look at them in two ways; one being the non biased way and te other being the biased. I'm gonna pick the biased way cause chavs just suck ass. And if they don't they want to.
TYPICAL NAMES: Michelle, Kelly, Brooke, Zoe, Ella ect (nothing too intelectual)or jack, Tom, Chris, Scott (once again, simple.)
AGES: One group can range between 11-15 whilst the other is the older, more 'hardcore' group of 16-21 year olds.
WHEREABOUTS: Local market, Macdonals, Police cell, Park, Bus Stop, Police car, Dodgy 24 hour off-license or in big groups on the highstreet harrassing greebos.
DEFINITIONS:
Female chav: Straightened hair or hair pulled so tight its the croyden facelift effect, good skin ONLY because they use like half a pot of stolen concealer, either incredibly skinny or fat but pretends not to be, miniskirt and short tanktop or white tracksuit bottoms and matching tracksuit jacket with a white or baby pink/baby blue tank-top underneath, nike trainers which are scarily clean, three ear piercing, each with thick gold hoops adorning them, and possibly a diamond earring in the cartalidge. There will be gold rings on each finger, possibly up to 20 on each hand, and numerous amount of necklaces, but one being boyfriends thick gold chain and a moving clown necklace from argos, and not forgetting the essex/london accent that is made worse, and the shouting and the bottle of white lightning and/or beer attached to hand.
Male Chav: Ew. There is a choice of a skinhead with a little bit of stubble or spikey hair if your white, but if your black its either skinhead or cornrows. White tracksuits ONLY, and wollen socks that the trousers are tucked into and the perma white trainers on show. Only one diamond earring is required, and if they are old enough some form of stubble is grown, and finally, a deep voice, which doesnt matter about the accent but cocnkey or Essex is usually known in male chavs but less important for them to maintain, unlike female chavs.
CARRYING: Females carry push chairs wih babies in, or after six pm its a bottle of white lightning or malibu, whilst males deck themselfs with attractive knifes and baseball bats.
DANGERS: Everything about them. Breathe near one of them and if you ain't a chav you'll probably get knifed. Best to avoid eye contact with female chavs otherwise they will assume you are 'evilling' them.
LIKES:
female: Baby called Brooklyn/Romeo/Cassie/Michelle, White ligntning,pure vodka,alcopops, MacDonalds, shouting highpitched, dance music.
male: Knifes, Baseball bats, Burberry caps, beer, Shouting at lone greebos, saying innit.
DISLIKES:
Female: Greebos, Police, not being allowed out to reck havoc.
Male: Greebos.
CONCLUSION: They're just twats in general, thinking people like them when they really should just jump off the nearest cliff.
Chav: So yeh innit mate let scat to maccy d's nd see if the rest of da crew are there innit and if anybody is startin on me or ma bird they are ognna get here 'ead kicked so lets move!
Girlfriend: -highpitched- Aiiite!!!! look at that greebow ova there ohmigawd she just gave me evails!!!
Greebo: -looks over- Um...what? -mutters underbreath- Retarded chavs.
Girlfriend: -higherpitched- Whatttt did she just say?! What did YEW just say to mai?!
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Darwins theory believes that man evolved from primates evolved from fish etc etc. However a recent discovery means that there is now evidence that man 'devolves' on occasion, thus the 'chav'. 'Chavs' (council housed and violent) are a top competitor for the lowest form of life on the planet. From a distance they look like the average human being but there are five major diffrences.
1.intelligence, on average chavs have an IQ of around 30 this means that they are as smart as the average gorilla. They have 'adapted' to change the entire english language and often do not even use words that they cant pronounce or dont understand. This means that "excuse me could you tell me where the nearest boutique is please". Becomes "nah where da fooks maccy d's too like?".
2.Skin. As you know the human being is usually either black or white... Chavs are orange.
3.Pack hunters. Despite the fact that they think they are 'hard' this rule only applies when what they are fighting is
A) smaller than them.
B) not carrying a weapon.
C) the chavs have weapons.
D) the person/animal is not likely to fight back.
If you do encouter a chav on it's own it is not likely to start on you without provoction, if it does all you have to do is pull a knife out, they will generally back away or failing that, laugh at them they will not be able to stand the humiliation.
4.breeding. One of britains main problems is that chavs breed like rat's and start at a very early age, by the age of 17 the chavette will have at least four children of many diffrent creeds and colours, sadly they usually abandon the chavling at the age of 5days to fend for it's self and it starves to death. (note: i know it's sad... but the poor little sod's probably better off anyway) all of the services needed for the child are ALLWAYS provided for by the taxpayer. this also aplies to chav transport see: chavmobile
5.mouthy. Chavs live under the false impression that we all want to be like them, if you are not a chav then in the eyes of one you are either a) a nerd. or b) a emo. however we all know this is not true.
t=The chav abolishment act of 2009 means that chavs are not allowed out between the hours of 00:00-23:59. If they are spotted they can be shot on sight.
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The IQ of one of these peices of scum-shits can be found using the following equation:
IQ = 1
_________________
no. of gold chains^2
If you are a chav yourself, and cannot grasp the significance of this equation, it means: The more gold chains you have, the dumber you will.
2)a) If A chav has a total of only 3 gold chains on him/her, how intelligent is she/he?
IQ = 1
__
3^2
IQ = 1/9
The Chav has an IQ of 1/9. The average is 90-100.
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Chavs are cunts! It has to be said once and for all. They are the lowest scummiest form of life and Britain would be a better, less crime filled place without them. Also anyone who they see who isn't a chav is a grunger! That is fucking ridiculous!!!
I have long hair and i am a keen guitar player. That makes me a grunger according to chavs. Oh yeh, i also have been told i have a mullet, afro, i'm a hippi and i'm in the hair bear bunch...
Complete bunch of wankers!!!
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a group of people, usually consisting of 30 or more (for their own protection from greebs of course) who wear burberry and cheap plastic jewlerry(aka bling) who tend to spend their time taking the piss out of greebs and goths etc(basically anyone who isnt a chav) however, on a friday night they manage to twar themselves away from this joy to go 'up lye' for ' a curry and a fight' as well as getting ratted whenever possible. also known for smoking from an early age and getting pregnant at 6
chav: heygreb, you strtin innit wanna fight me and meh homies innit look at ma bling
greeb: get a life
chav: i got one im off up the lye for a curry and a fight wit ma mates
greeb: wow i wish i had such a good life as you obviously do
chav: thats it ive had it wit you you greeb
greeb:ok then have fun with that :)
chav: oi homies this greeb dissin me innit
*greeb by this time is wetting him/herself laughing
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Harmless on own but when teamed with other 'ard nuts becomes into a super brick throwing, car stealing, spitting machine. Will drive anything thats hot, usually with some retarded RnB blarring out. Phrases like boi, innit, bruv, dosh u up propa good are their own language. Can be identifyed by burbry caps (always at 90 degrees) and socks tucked into trousers.
"There a chav i think i will run him down for the good of man"
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A lower form of life currently dominating the northern half of Great Britain. They appear in sportswear, even though the nearest sport they indulge in is mugging. The most stylish bling a chav can wear is "solid" "gold" chains, hooped earrings for the chavettes and an ASBO for any chav is a definite style item. Their language consists of "swearing, innit, yeah but no, like yer know what I mean? more swearing, whatchoo lookin at, eh? ya startin?"
Yeah but no I ain't trippin watchoo lookin at mush i iz gonna bang u out oh my god didya see big bruvva last night? kamal is so fit
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