Date Guard

A female 'friend' who shows no outward interest in you, but will go all out to prevent you from hooking with other women by patting you on your back while other women are watching.

I was so ready to hook up with the sheila, but annie saw us and ran in just to pat me on the back and whisper shit in my ear.
what a date guarding bitch.

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monkey guarding

1. To stand in the way and wave arms frantically, like blocking a shot in basketball or soccer, usually without moving from the target area.

2. To keep others from getting a chance at something.

3. To try to hide something by putting your hands in front of it to keep it from being taken or viewed.

1. Buckwheat was penalized for once again monkey guarding the net.

2. Fat Frieda didn't let any of the other postal workers talk to her boss for fear they'd get her fired or promoted past her. Her co-workers knew she was monkey guarding the boss and got around her, getting her fired anyway.

3. Janette monkey guarded her coffee cup because she knew if Jack could get to it she wouldn't taste coffee the next time she drank it.

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banana guard

Male condom. Rubber. Dumdum, if you will.

Be safe. Use a banana guard everytime.

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splash guard

when wearing glasses while performing oral sex to prevent crustaceous eyelids.

i bought your girlfriend some splash guards.

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shooting guard

A position in basketball which usually shoots from the perimeter.

MJ is da best shootin guard

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Bow Guard

(Verb) To hog; a term often used by stoners in a marijuana circle whenever someone smokes for a long time without passing the Joint.

Don't bow guard the joint; share it to someone else.

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coast guard

A rather unique branch of the DOD that used to be part of the Department of Transportation. Generally involved in missions including:
Drug Stopping/Seizure
Envoironmental Protection
Search and Rescue
Homeland Defense
I consider this to be a pretty valuable asset of the US military, but often wonder why it hasn't been incorporated into our Navy.

Fisherman 1: "Oh crap, out boat is sinking!!!"
Fisherman 2: "Sweet! Here comes the Coast Guard to save our asses!"

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