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life

A state of being created by a benevolent deity in order that man may experience the twin pleasures of beer and sex. Although it has been postulated that team sports and a good testicle-scratch constitute two of the pillars of life, the true meaning is in fact just beer and sex. Be advised, however, that it is not simply a matter of drinking as much beer and having as much sex as you can; these actions alone lead to spiritual imbalance and sundry unwholesome disorders of the body. The quality of the beer and the awesome-ness of the sex matter every bit as much as the acts themselves. Well it behooves you then to master the zen of a life of beer and sex. Be aware that many people never fully comprehend the simple purity of the way, as they stagger from one meaningless relationship to another, often sinking into a debased state in which wine, exotic cheeses, opera, and other devices of Satan are appreciated. What then, you ask, is the true path to righteousnous? What should man aspire to in life? The tao of beer and sex is explicit about this. Drink ye of good quality beer, that it's amber goodness may invigorate and pleasure you, and strive towards a relationship with a pair of bi-sexual women. Bi-sexual twins are the real jackpot, of course, and any man attaining this nirvana of relationships will be pointed out in the street and viewed with an almost religious awe by other men. In summary then, remember that the key to solving all of life's varied problems lies in the bottom of a glass, or looks smashing in a skimpy black evening dress.

Person 1: I feel lost and hopeless, adrift in a sea of depression.
Priest: Oh for goodness' sake, be a man. Find yourself a babelicious chick, get smashed, and do her and her sister.
Person 1: Wow! It's all so clear now...

Female: My Mum said that life is a bowl of roses.
Male : Your mother is an idiot. Now get naked and fetch me a beer...

by Big Bad Mark October 3, 2005

288๐Ÿ‘ 199๐Ÿ‘Ž


life

Death and Taxes.

Life -> Taxes -> Death.

by M3154 January 22, 2009

17๐Ÿ‘ 6๐Ÿ‘Ž


of life

Used after adjectives ending in -est + a noun at the end of a sentence.

Over exaggeration explaining how something is really great, cute, funny, or whatever adjective you choose.

Often meaning best.

-That is the cutest puppy of life.
-That is the biggest truck of life.
-Edward Scissorhands is the greatest movie of life.
-Yo momma makes the best pie of life.

by bethany bombscare November 27, 2006

25๐Ÿ‘ 12๐Ÿ‘Ž


life

this thing of monotonous repeats of a dialy routine

basicly you start cold covered in blood and end that way too cold and covered in blood

life i dotn have much of one thats why i post here ='(

by shawn im so kool October 23, 2005

32๐Ÿ‘ 16๐Ÿ‘Ž


a life

something you dont have dumbass

can i get a life

FUCK NO

by wanna be fun December 17, 2018

17๐Ÿ‘ 5๐Ÿ‘Ž


Life

You're born, you die.
Life is the shit that happens in between.

I need to get a life.

by sublime1234 February 7, 2009

18๐Ÿ‘ 8๐Ÿ‘Ž


life

Parents say "it is what you make it", but you can't make much of it when you can't do anything becuase they won't let you, and when yu bring up what they say, you get grounded

Unlike the game, boring and stupid

by Who The Douce Are You? April 16, 2005

26๐Ÿ‘ 12๐Ÿ‘Ž