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An idiom most often used in the Southern parts of the United States. Often heard when older men or women are searching in a general area, looking for a misplaced object. They search for a good while, only to find that the object was a few feet from them all the time. They pick it up, brush it off, grin and say:
"If it were a snake, it would have bit me."
This is because in the rural South snakes are a part of life. Everyone has at least one story about the time they were surprised by a rattler or a cottonmouth.
Guy 1: Where are my keys?
Guy 2: They are right in front of you on that table.
Guy 1: If it were a snake, it would have bit me.
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It is self explanatory, A person who is a waste of life, the value of sperm is indeed wasted daily by hundreds of millions maybe even billions of people a day. It was better off that person in question with unmoral characteristics was not born at all, but rather swallowed by his/her mother.
Person #1- " You know what? All guys are all assholes!"
Person #2- " Not all guys are assholes, maybe some even most but for you to say "all" makes you ignorant. You know what, your mother should have swallowed you. Your mother even admits now that the pull out method and a shot in the eye is better than your attitude and bitterness towards every one.
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A sarcastic comment that is used when someone figures out something really obvious. An imitation of a game show host announcing that someone has given the correct answer and has won a prize that his assistant (Johnny) will specify on cue. Often preceded by "Ding ding!"
Boss: "OK everyone, Brenda Smith is going to be out on Thursday so we need someone to volunteer to fill her time slot."
Mike Hawk: "I'm available that day. I can do it."
Boss: "All righty then. I'm going to go ahead and stick Mike Hawk in her slot."
Steve: "That's what she said! Or...um...actually I mean that's what HE said!"
(everyone laughs except Jim)
Jim: "I don't get it..."
(20 seconds go by)
Jim: "Oh haha, now I get it...Mike Hawk sounds like 'my cock!' It's sexual innuendo. That's a good one."
Steve: "DING DING! What do we have for 'em, Johnny?"
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A response to an obvious "yes" question.
Does a hobby horse have a hickory dick?hobby,horse,hickory,wooden,dick
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What would you like for your birthday?
You don't have to get me anything.
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Seemingly a simple marketing slogan used by all civil and criminal solicitors, this famous line is actually from Breaking Bad season 2 episode 8. It makes a hilarious appearance in Saul Goodman's television advertisement:
"Hi I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know you have rights? Constitution says you do. And so do I."
It is most commonly used amongst members of the unofficial, imaginary, crack-addicted breaking bad community that every zealous Breaking Bad viewer thinks they are uniquely apart of. The phrase is also the reason that many aspiring students have mistakenly entered the legal profession and incompetently represented and let down innocent people to the blood-thirsty prosecutors.
Friend 1: "This Subway is so terrible they never properly wrap my sandwich, it's literally at risk of falling apart."
Friend 2: "Did you know you have rights?"
Friend 1: "Constitution says you do."
Both friends: "And so do I."
*Friend 1 has just been convicted of gross negligence manslaughter after jokingly pushing their best friend down steep stairs and causing their death. They are in court awaiting sentencing by the judge.*
Friend 1: *anxious and regretful* "I didn't mean to. I can't believe I did that man. I-I-I ca-can't bel-"
Friend 2: "Calm down. Calm down! Did you know you have rights!?"
*Judge looks up in confusion*
Friend 1: *wipes tears from eyes and sniffles* "Constitution says you do!"
Judge: *slams gavel* "Order please!"
Both friends together: "AND SO DO I!"
It's like telling someone - Piss off, I no longer wish to hear your voice and pretend to be interested.
-Thinking- "Man, I really want to get away from this idiot... I can't stand the prattle eminating from their mouth...."
-Speaking- "Hey, Bill... I have some business to take care of. Can I get back to you later?"
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