who needs a car if i can swim underwater

a phrase created by uriel bromberg to say when people ask why you can't drive yet or why would you not

peep: hey man, did you get your drive license?
you: nah, who needs a car if i can swim underwater

grandma: hey son, could you drive to the supermarket and buy me fresh fruits?
you: i ain't got drive license, but who needs a car if i can swim underwater

Who do you think you are, the CDC?

A retort to use on Karens who believe "iT's AlL a HoAx"

Karen: IT'S ALL A HOAX!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!111!!!!!ONE!!!!ONE!!!! I'M NEVER GETTING THE VACCINE BECAUSE IT HAS MICROCHIPS IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!11!!!!ONEONEONE!!!!!!!!!
Person with brain cells: Who do you think you are, the CDC? Newsflash: you're not, so shut up, Karen 🙃

People who talk shit about cross country

are usually fat.

a few examples of People who talk shit about cross country are both of the people on page 8 of the Urban Dictionary page for "cross country"

A Guy who Really Cares about a Girl's Feelings

Extremely hard thing to find.

Girl: I'm looking for a guy who really cares about a girl's feelings, you know...
Guy: Ha. Luck with that.

the person who cut you off

A complete asshole. Deserves the death penalty.

Hold on, this little peice of shit just cut me off on the interstate! Can I legally open fire?!
Who is the person who cut you off?
I don't know, some dick in a new corvette.

if this is put on a mug all who read it bigga gay

This isn't a definition.

just... if someone buys it, they're gay.

peepo 1: *puts if this is put on a mug all who read it bigga gay on a mug*
peepo 2: now everyone who looks at that is gay. good job, retard.

Who let you leave the house with all that cake

Double cheeked up on a Thursday afternoon

Who let you leave the house with all that cake? Double cheeked up on a Thursday afternoon. Hella A$$