Half Inch Slip

when giving a woman oral sex, and slipping past the vaginal opening, and accidentally licking the anus.

D00D, i was chowin on her box, then it tasted nasty, i knew i just made a half inch slip! got any mouthwash?

19👍 7👎

half past two

A blanket responce to any question you do not wish to answer.
However, there are some cases where it will not work, which is shown in the second example.

Bloke 1, "Did you just press that big red button that says do not press?"
Bloke 2, "Half past two!"
Bloke 1, "What!? (head explodes due to confusion)"

Nagging Mother, "When are you going to get yourself a job and stop pissing your life away?"
Son, "Half past two."

16👍 5👎

half past five

After work, and gotten home

1.) I'll be see you half past five.
2.) I'll be available anytime around half past five.
3.) We'll light up half past five.
4.) Cant talk right now, at work, hit me back around half past five.

15👍 5👎

Half-Life crisis

One has a half-life crisis the night before a large project or a big test is coming up the next day in ones Chemistry class.

Man, I'm stupid! Why did I ever take AP Chemistry? I've already exposed myself to 7 different types of radiation, and this project is due before I can go in for treatment! Pretty soon, I won't have a half-life crisis, I'll have a no-life crisis!

17👍 6👎

Swedish half-pint

A half-pint of liquor poured in to a normal-sized pint

Mate, can you get me a Swedish half-pint of Guinness?
Yeah, bro, no worries. One Guinness in a Swedish half-pint coming up.

A Gentleman's Half Hour

A time when one feels it most polite to retire to a quiet space for a half hour slumber.

A short rejuvenating snooze.

Corporal: "Sir, the Germans are advancing on our front lines as we speak"

Captain: "How long do we have, old boy?"

Corporal: "Just under an hour, sir"

Captain: "Not to worry, my good man, Ill still have time for A Gentleman's Half Hour in that case, before the battle"

dick ‘n a half

A dick ‘n a half isn’t a dick sewed onto half a dick. It’s actually a term for a dick so large, it transcends time and space. If you tell someone to suck a dick ‘n a half. It means you are telling them that they are the biggest cuck known in all of the multiverse.

“Go suck a dick ‘n a half!”

“*loud gasp*”