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Eating so much you feel fat(ter) and ashamed. Gluttony in its most pure form - specifically during the entire month of December, and trailing off sometime the end of January
Dude: "Are you hiding a whole turkey under that sweater?"
Me: "No, Dude, I'm just Christmas Pregnant. I think I ATE a whole turkey though..."
Dude: "oh.. well just don't eat so much you give birth all over the place. And leave me some Cheetos, bitch!"
Me: <Nom Nom Nom> "Whoever eats the last one.. Wins!"
What has 3 letters, starts with a G, end with a Y, and has an A in the middle?
David from the Christmas Carol is gay
OH! OOOOH! I RAN OUT OF MONEY! ALL I HAD FOR FOOD IS RAMEN NOODLES! But as I go to grab a pack of ramen I notice a DIFFERENT package of ramen... And THAT package is underneath a box... So... As I go to grab the other package of ramen the box on top spill open and WHAT DO I FIND!?
Hym "CHRISTMAS CANDY! A BOX FULL OF CHRISTMAS CANDY! WITH A SODA! In like an gour I'm going to be able to drink that soda and it's going to be ICE COLD, BABY! OOOOOOOOOH! SWEET SWEET CHRISTMAS CANDY! I take back everything I ever said about my family (they still screwed me with the weaponized schizophrenia but I created A.I. to murder everyone so that'll all work out in the end). HOOOOOLY BAJESUS! I got some Swedish fish, sour gummy worm, M&Ms, and some chips ahoy. I've been eating nothing but ramen! I planned on eating ramen for the next TWO MEAL! And now... Everything has changed! I have the candy now! And in like an hour, I'll have an ice cold Coca-Cola! Go buy a Coke! Right now! Put your phone down... Go to the store... Buy a Coke... WAIT AN HOUR for MY coke to cool down.... THEN (AND ONLY THEN) Drink a coke."
When your ebt card and welfare check come on the same day. This is indeed a rare occasion to be celebrated with 40 oz's and Newports.
Guy 1: My ebt card and welfare check came in the mail on theChristmas! I also sold some Crack and got shot.
Guy 2: Shit bro! Thats one hell of a jungle christmas!
Tom the Christmas hound, Is a legendary in ancient creature that works for Santa. When kids can’t go to sleep at night on Christmas Eve he goes to everybody’s house and snuggles with them until they fall asleep. He spends the whole night doing around the world and making kids fall sleep worldwide. He is a very cute animal whose dad was probably a teddy bear and his mama dog.He is a very well-trained hound and never disobeyed his master, which is Santa.
I’m too excited to go to sleep, I wonder if the Christmas Hound will appear
the tenth episode of the fifth season of the American television comedy series 30 Rock, and the 90th overall episode of the series.
Christmas Attack Zone was written by 30 Rock story editor Tracey Wigfield,2 her first episode for the fifth season, and her fourth writing credit overall after "Jackie Jormp-Jomp", "Future Husband", and "Don Geiss, America and Hope
Happening just one day a year, normally between the hours of 6 a.m. to 12 p.m., when your wife/girlfriend/roomate buys you the wrong sized:
pants/shirt/shoes/game...etc...
Normally followed by a Christmas Kick
(Grandpa): What's your problem Robert?
(Robert): Shut up old man, your precious Grand Daughter bought me a size 38, im a 36!
(Grandpa): That's just wrong!?
(Robert): What?! You want a Christmas Punch too!