If I'd known you were coming, I'd have shaved my beard

Da "parody on da cake-baking saying" remark dat you smilingly say to a cute chick whom you've unexpectedly met somewhere, and you are savoringly pressing her soft warm palms against yer fuzzy cheeks.

I always love joking around about, "If I'd known you were coming, I'd have shaved my beard" wif pretty girls whom I befriend; said humorous remark always gets da biggest amused giggle-fits outta dem.

Purity Beard

When a woman's pubic hair has grown to the point that nobody is willing to dig through the bushes.

Did you hook up with Janet ?
No man, her purity beard had lint in it and scared me off.

Badass Beard

One who takes it in the bunghole, especially after crying about not getting his/her them/they way. Known to overreact over the most minor inconveniences and tends gets very emotional on the regular.

Man, did you see that badass beard after he got completely demolished on that game he didn’t want to play? He rage quit so fucking hard, then ate a whamburger and dipped his French cries in cum.

Beard Belly

Another name for a double chin on a man.

Whoa! Look at that dude's beard belly!

Beard Smashing

Two men with facial scruff who make out or a guy with scruff licking pussy with scruff. This can also be true for a scruffy ass being licked by a person with a beard (man, woman, or trans). This will likely make one party want to trim up in hopes to avoid the transmitting of bugs.

Synonym: bumper scruffs

Example: two santas playing bumper scruffs on the beach

Hey Mike, when you partook in beard smashing last night, did you avoid his crabs?

Kiner Beard

A large, full beard worn by a person who should be too young for a beard of such awesomeness

"man I need to grow a beard."
"Dude if you're going for it go for a full kiner beard!"