Rural Dictionary

monty python and the holy grail

Excert from monty python and the holy grail:

One day, lad, all this will be yours!
What, the curtains?
No. Not the curtains, lad. All that you can see, stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land! This'll be your kingdom, lad.
But Mother--
Father, lad. Father.
B-- b-- but Father, I don't want any of that.
Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So, I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp, but the fourth one... stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest castle in these islands.
But I don't want any of that. I'd rather--
Rather what?!
I'd rather...
music
...just... sing!
Stop that! Stop that! You're not going into a song while I'm here. Now listen, lad. In twenty minutes, you're getting married to a girl whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Britain.
B-- but I don't want land.
Listen, Alice,--
Herbert.
'Erbert. We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get.
But-- but I don't like her.
Don't like her?! What's wrong with her?! She's beautiful. She's rich. She's got huge... tracts o' land!
I know, but I want the-- the girl that I marry to have...
music
...a certain,... special... something!
Cut that out! Cut that out! Look, you're marrying Princess Lucky, so you'd better get used to the idea!
smack

by le fromage May 12, 2006

266👍 21👎

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

"how do you know she is a witch"
"She looks like one"
"I'm not a witch! I'M not a witch! They dressed me up like this and this isn't my nose it's a false one."
"I see. Eh.. Did you dress her up like this?"
"Well, nose a bit. Yeah a bit."
"Tell me. What do you do with witches?"
"Burn them! Burn!"
"And then why do witches burn. Hmmm.."
"Because they're, made of wood?"
"So how do you tell if she is made of wood?"
"Eh.. Build a bridge out of 'er"
"But can not you also build bridges out of stone?"
"Oh yeah"
"Does wood sink in water?"
"No no it floats. Throw her into the pond!"
"Wait! What also floats in water?"
"Umm.. very small rocks. churches. lead!"
"A duck"
"presicly!"
"So logically.."
"If she weighs the same as a duck, then shes made outta wood."
"And therefore"
"She's a witch!"