fuck you buddy handbook

Term used to describe the ethos in a ruthless and amoral, competitive environment.

(for instance, to describe office politics during a layoff period)

"Yeah, I took credit for your work. I would sell my own mother to keep this job. It's the fuck you buddy handbook out there"

similar in meaning to: "dog eat dog"

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“Everybuddy Needs a Buddy” System

Definition
A foolproof group buddy system in which one pairs oneself with a reliable “buddy” during wild adventures or escapades.

Purpose
The purpose of the system is to ensure safe return of all people in a group by grouping each one with a designated “buddy.” Each buddy in a pair is responsible for their respective buddy’s safe return to their friendly abode.

Outcome
As long as both buddies buy into the purpose of EBNB System, the system works to perfection and the persons return safely in one piece from their wild night out. However, when buddies begin to neglect their responsibilities, the results can become chaotic and could lead to a buddy sleeping in a hotel room that is still under construction.

WARNINGS:

1. The EBNB system is only guaranteed to work for groups that have an even-number of persons. For some reason, the EBNB system is overwhelmed and fails when trying to accommodate an odd number of persons in a group. Our most logical guess is that assigning multiple buddies to a single person becomes infinitely more difficult than having a single buddy to watch over.

2. For whatever reason, the EBNB system never works when your buddy’s name is “Cookie Monster.”

CHUCK: Hey guys, I have a crazy feeling we’re gonna get buckwild tonight. I think we need to implement the “Everybuddy Needs a Buddy” System tonight.
…
STEVE: What happened to Josh last night? It’s 10 AM and he is nowhere to be found. I guess we’re going to the pool without him.
…
(4 hours later, Josh arrives at the pool in bewilderment)

TODD: What the hell happened to you last night? We called hospitals and jails looking for your ass.
JOSH: I have no idea. All I know is that Cookie was my buddy and everything else is a blur.

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Eskimo related couch buddies

When a set of friends have realized that they all have had some sort of sexual relations on the same couch in the past or present.

"yeah me and him always hooked up on that couch after school"
"no way I just hooked up with ___ on there the other day!"
T
"then I guess that makes us Eskimo related couch buddies! Considering we both had hooked up on the same couch"

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whack me off, buddy

whack me off, buddy is what a guy says to his jack-off squire whenever he wants a hand-job.

Matt always says " whack me off, buddy" when he wants me to jack him off!

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Buddy's Cum Lake

Edge yourself multiple times per day, for atleast 6 months, slapping your balls full force afterwards each time. When you finally allow yourself to climax, do it into a large pit (atleast 10M/30M/30M (D/W/L)). Then place multiple fish into your personal Cum Sea. The PH level of your aged Teste Tea will cause these poor creatures to mutate into mighty beasts. The animals spawned from your Milky Ocean will trump those found anywhere else in the world, and will be Certified Freaks, obeying all your Aquatic Sexual Whims. Strong probability they will look like Buddy.

One of the Fish in Buddy's Cum Lake looked just like Buddy! You already kno I had to mash that thangs box!

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i got you, buddy

When you're in trouble and your boyfriend saves you by shooting your enemy

"I got you, buddy!"

Double wide nutty buddy

An obese person(s) in an orgy/gangbang

“Man Trisha was wild last night! Definitely our new double wide nutty buddy.”