don't shit where you eat

This phrase means "do not have romantic relationships with any co-workers." Basically, you don't want to make yourself uncomfortable (by potentially having a romantic relationship get ugly, or "shitting") at the place where you work ("where you eat").

Dude #1: "damn a really hot blonde just started working at my company. i'm gonna ask her out"
Dude #2: "dude, haven't you heard the saying: Don't shit where you eat?"

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The World Just Don't Spin Like That

Things simply do not work that way; not the way life goes.

"I wish Welch's Fruit Snacks had a reasonable amount of snacks in the pouches"

"Yeah, that's too bad man, The World Just Don't Spin Like That."

Sorry, I don't sprechen the douche.

Response to someone either being a douche, saying something douchey, or telling you to get an Über.

Play on "sprechen sie deutsch"

Q: "Why don't you just take an Über?"

A: "Sorry, I don't sprechen the douche."

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Don't shit where you sleep

Don't mess things up where you live or work

My friend was acting ungrateful to his roommate and I said don't shit where you sleep dude

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Don't Hug Me I'm Scared

This YouTube series is what will happen if Sesame Street takes LSD, then meets with Freddy Krueger. It contains cake with organs, screaming clocks, a love-based Scientology, digital dancing computers, a duck getting his organs ripped out ALIVE!!!!!!, and a character almost going mentally insane, but whatever, if it has cute sentient oranges, YouTube and the FTC say it's a kids show.

This five year old kid doesn't want to eat cake anymore, because of Don't Hug Me I'm Scared.

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Two wrongs don't make a right

1: It is never right to wrong someone, even if they have wronged you first.

2: It is not acceptable to do something bad to someone just because they did something bad to you first.

2: Pointing out somebody's wrongdoing to you will not correct a situation by doing wrong to that somebody.

The way the world is now, the phrase "two wrongs don't make a right" is getting blowed off more and more.

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I don't give half a fuck

To care so little about something that one half of the standard fuck will suffice. Used when you want to make clear that you truely could care less.

Mary: "Do you want to go have sushi or steak?"
Joe: "Whatever, I don't care".
Mary: "Or should we go to Benihana?"
Joe: "I don't give half a fuck! Let's just eat!"

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