captain stupid head

A person who is so stupid and dumb that they drag along a crew with them and the whole crew ends up being stupid, so that makes them the captain of all the stupid heads

All Aboard, your captain today will be captain stupid head

captain of the planet

The most amazing man on the planet. He is the best lover with a very large cock. He is "The Captain of the Planet". Example: "Hey guys, last night I came 7 times during sex with The Captain of the Planet!"

Hey guys, I came 7 times last night during sex with The captain of the Planet!

Captains Knock

Matty Short's match winning innings of 100 off 59 nuts chasing a record 230.

Need a 'captains knock' here

captain upper decker

One takes a shit in the top tank of a toilet and waits for another person to flush the toilet and watches as the water is a constant brown mess

Someone must have captain upper deckered me, cause i flushed the toilet and shit continued to flow and wouldn't go away

Captain Slaphappy

One who frequently masterbates

"Anyone seen john?" "Who? Captain Slaphappy?; probably off doing the deed"

Captain's Pass

1. When someone tells you about something they have done that they think is impressive, but it has the total opposite effect.
2. When someone is bragging about an absolute epic fail, and they should definitely keep it to themself.

Example 1.)
Guy: I know I have bad teeth, so I bough this teeth-repairing toothpaste called Sensodyne.
Me: Congrats bro, you get the Captain's Pass!

Example 2.)
Guy: I was a father at 16, and now I'm blessed to be a young grandpa at 32.
Me: Congrats bro, you get the Captain's Pass!

Captain Wankstash

A name first used in spoken conversation when referring to the fictional character Simon from the TV series The Walking Dead, who supported an excessively flamboyant moustache and cheesy grin. This, coupled with his attempts to emulate his boss Negan and general wankerism led to the formation of the moniker.
Similar examples would be: Douchie McDouchebag; Sergeant Dickface; Lord Twat of Knobington Manor, etc, of which the original creator of the name Captain Wankstash seemingly has an endless supply.

Can also be written Captain Wankstache

Suggested use: for mustachioed military/ uniformed non-military types, with attitudes far in excess of their competence /accomplishment. Is not restricted to this use but it's a good fit for it.

Who was that guy? You know, Captain Wankstache.

Alright Captain Wankstash, calm down/give it a rest.

Here we go, Captain Wankstache is at it again.