Mystery Muffins

A common term in the Hoffman Estates cafeteria refering the various vegetables thrown in muffins during the cooking proccess. They taste like cinnamon and probably won't hurt you... but don't always trust the lunch ladies....

Student #1: What the hell is the green stuff in this muffin?
Student#2: idk
Student#1: (takes a bite and looks down at muffin) Holy crap!! It's broccoli!
Student #2: Lucky, I got spinach.
Student #3: Damn mystery muffins.

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apple muffin

The best muffin in town.

Oh my god that apple muffin was orgasmic!

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Crud Muffin

A large puffy poop turd

Michelle : Oh Mark I sure did miss your hard dick inside me Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Mark : Oh Michelle I sure did miss your soft pussy YEE! YEE! YEE! (splat) OOPS!
Michelle : OOPS! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL?
Mark : Oh nothing just a little Crud Muffin come on let's cuddlefuck!
Michelle : LITTLE IT'S THE SIZE OF A SOFTBALL? You pooped a Crud Muffin on my leg while you was pounding my pussy! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BED!
Mark : Uh I believe this is our bed and I want to cuddlefuck!
Michelle : LITTLE IT'S THE SIZE OF A SOFTBALL? You pooped a Crud Muffin on my leg while you was pounding my pussy! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BED!
Mark : Uh I believe this is our bed and I want to cuddlefuck!
Michelle : Uh we are divorced and this is my bed GET THE FUCK OUT!
Mark : (sniff) (sniff)
Michelle : And take your god damn Crud Muffin with you! (splat)
Steve : Hey Mark you look so sexy with that Crud Muffin on your face Mmmm!
Mark : Wow Steve thanks! (sniff) (sniff)
Michelle : MARK WHY THE HELL IS SOME GUY LICKING YOUR FACE AND RUBBING YOUR COCK!
Mark : I don't know but it feel's kinda nice! (sniff) (sniff)
Michelle : GROSS! Im calling the cops!
Steve : You know Mark in prison you can get fucked in the ass and blow Crud Muffins everywhere!
Mark : Wow that sounds kinda nice! (sniff) (sniff)
Michelle : Hello Police two gay guy's broke into my house and there are Crud Muffins everywhere!
Steve : Mmmm! Crud Muffins! (wink)

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muffin stump

the bottom part of a muffin

Gurl, who left all these muffin stumps in the kitchen? Where are the tops too all of these muffins?

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love muffin

the squishy part of your vagina, is used for reproduction.

my love muffin is attracted to your dong (dick)

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Muffin Fucker

Someone who says they have done things, usually sexual things, that they have never actually don

Dude I talked to some people, turns out John never got head from her, he's such a Muffin Fucker

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Jungle Muffins

A woman's breasts
It is commonly used in the abbreviated version, "J-Muffs."

Guy 1: "That girl has great Jungle Muffins."
Guy 2: "Yes, her breasts are exquisite, and prominently displayed."

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