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Someone who relates to the universe in a mathematical but socially inept way.
Optimist: "The glass is half full."
Pessimist: "The glass is half empty."
Engineer: "The glass is twice the size it needs to be."
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Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
You: "Hey, wait here, I'mma go take a dump."
Friend: "Alright."
*5 minutes later*
Friend: "Dude..I was playing guitar with your amp and I noticed a parasitic capacitance between the output and the input, causing parasitic oscillation. So I really quickly soldered them a little further from eachother, so it shouldn't have any feedback anymore."
You: "Oh...uhhh... thanks?"
Friend: "Hey, I'm an engineer. It's what I do."
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A kick-ass uber-genius with godly math and science abilities, the training for wich being at the expence of those abilities for spelling and talking to members of the opposite sex.
"You know that you're an engineer if you can prove it mathematically"
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n. A profession, usually taught in universities as a four-year program. It's far more rigorous than most other programs available to university students, with the benefit of near-guaranteed employment after graduation. Downsides include not being able to get laid and extreme social awkwardness.
Arts majors:
Look, isn't that one of those engineering students? Man, what a pathetic loser. We're so much cooler lolol.
Engineering student:
It's this "loser" here that'll be making 70 grand a year right after graduating. Enjoy your degree in Classical Literature suckers, it'll probably qualify you for flipping burgers.
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One measures with a micrometer, marks with a crayon, and cuts with an axe.
The guy wearing the white shirt with the pocket protector leaning against the backhoe is an engineer. He could describe in great detail how that backhoe works but could not drive it to save his life.
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n. A branch of university education. Usually taken by students who want a job after graduating.
I want to study engineering!
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Drinks their way through college for at least four years, playing computer games, smoking pot, masturbating and never having sex, ever. Learns the theory for incredibly complex subjects within one relatively sober week of the exams. Studies one particular subject in another sober week to get a really fancy sounding job that is 1% challenging and 99% telling a technician to press the reset button. Makes a lot of money for doing that and then, of course, starts having a lot of sex.
Gets really annoyed if people don't optimize space utilization when filling a dishwasher.
Knows what every single cable behind your TV is for.
Has a hammer, duct tape, and cable ties close at all times, but is not necessarily a serial killer. Although engineers make great serial killers.
Interviewer: So what do you know about spectroscopic ellipsometry?
Engineer: Spectroscopic ellipsometry employs broad band light sources, which"..... *15 minutes later*.... and thus the film properties are characterized.
Boss: Welcome to the team, you'll be looking after all these machines
Engineer: I look forward to the challenge
Technician: Hey this machine is messed up
Engineer: Press the reset button
Technician: OK it's working now
Engineer: Sweet *Returns feet to desk*
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