mortgage

Another name for your wife or husband.

I'd better make this the last beer, it's time I got home to the mortgage.

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Mortgaged

to be completely drunk

I was mortgaged last night.

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golden mortgage

1. A golden mortgage occurs when a bank or mortgage company allows the homeowner to sell their property for an amount that is lower than what is owed on the loan, then micturates on the newly dispossessed homeowner.

2. Rejected title revision for a song by a New York City rock band that takes its name from audio compressor settings.

3. A charge widely believed to be included in a sealed indictment against the R&B singer/songwriter R. Kelly.

With his credit in Jeopardy, Archibald reluctantly donned a slicker and accepted a golden mortgage.

The songwriter was shrewdly advised that, whatever he did, he must not change the name of his song to "Golden Mortgage."

Requesting a golden mortgage, the accused allegedly genuflected and looked into the eyes of his stylist's niece with pity and longing.

ninja mortgage

Usually to qualify for a mortgage, borrowers need income,a job or assets.

A ninja mortgage is a type of mortgage granted to people with none of the above, hence:

No
Income
No
Job or
Assets

Without income, a job or assets, it's hard to pay back a mortgage. Many ninja loans became subprime when peeps couldn't refinance their loans.

These peeps are now ninjah

Borrower: Gee, I'd like to buy a house, but I have no job or income... can you help me ?
Mortgage broker: With a ninja mortgage you don't need to prove you have income or a job, we don't even need a downpayment since the value of your house will always go up!
Borrower: Awesome!

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reverse mortgage

To ram one's fist up the ass of a midget and hold it aloft victoriously, wearing the midget on one's hand like some fleshy oven mitt.

Willy: Do you watch that show "Little People, Big World?"

Stevus: Yeah, it rocks!

Willy: I wish I could guest star on it so I could give them all the reverse mortgage.

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Reverse Mortgage

An individual dresses up like Magnum P.I., inserts their penis or dildo into their partner’s ass and, upon completion, takes the deed to their partners house.

Tom Selleck enjoys advertising his love for reverse mortgages as a way to pay off debts, medical bills and other expenses without ever being forced to leave your home.

mortgage movie

A movie or set of movies that a high-profile actor/actress performs in purely for the money. Everyone has to pay a mortgage right? Notable examples are Samuel L. Jackson (way too many to count), Charlize Theron (Aeon Flux).

Sam Jackson is headlining Formula 51? What a mortgage movie!

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