Newell

unlearned, ignorant, simple person, as distinguished from the educated; an ignoramus who makes threats using blogs Lies like a sidewalk Tax Evader "Big Daddy" Newell likes to pretend they have a job but also likes being destitute possess low to none intellectual powers, commonly, a person without understanding from birth; a natural fool; aka hillbilly living in a squalid shack with lots of little ones from 3 different teen moms loves white tee shirts and baseball caps, raging anger issues since birth aka as a bad temper, very violent towards small kids and women and some types of cats and dogs and gardening equipment. Is easily calmed down by watching a goldfish swim in a small tank "simple things for a simpleton"

hillbilly Newell Big Daddy Status Quo squalid Boyce fool ignoramus idiot liar bad temper violent goldfish simple

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Newell

A four-street shithole in the northern panhandle of West Virginia. Founded in 1905 when a man named Newell gave up his last hope of finding anywhere decent to live and settled down with a one-eyed, toothless, backwoods woman and produced Newell’s first official retard. Newell’s two claims to fame are its large population of mullet-wearin', wall-eyed, gun-totin’, tobacky-chewin’ illiterates; and the presence of Mountaineer, a gaming resort filled with coffin dodgers and welfare cases spending their gubment checks and shitting themselves because they don’t want to leave the nickel slot machines. Outsiders often hear the sound of “Dueling Banjoes” in their heads when driving through it.

Outsider: What the fuck is that? Banjo music?
Newellite 1: What's he sayin’, Cletus?
Newellite 2: Cecil, you know I don't know forrin’.

(Newell)

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Newell

a homo, queer, fag, brownie pounder, fudge pakcer ext.

Hey newell, I'm gonna kick your ass

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Newell

A fantasist who drinks coco cola for thier kidneys.

"Pass me the cola - im a newell"

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Gabe Newell

God in human form.

Gabe Newell descended from heaven releasing the steam sale.

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Newell's Law

Applies during a sale via the Steam digital distribution platform. Newell's Law states "If you buy a discounted game before the last day of a sale, it will have a more substantial discount the next day." It is named for Gabe Newell, the CEO of Valve Software.

Alternate definition applies during non-sale events, in which case the decision is made after waiting and evaluating a game's worth to purchase at full retail, then the game goes on sale the very next weekend.

Gamer 1: "I bought the Civ4 complete pack yesterday for 33% off thinking it was a great deal, but if I had just waited until today I could have bought it for 75% off!"

Gamer 2: "Newell's Law."

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Gabe Newell

The co-founder and CEO of the video game studio known as Valve Software. Gabe serves as the unofficial face of Valve; the studio is widely associated with him and he is widely associated with the studio.

Valve are infamous for their long development cycles, with games that can be in development for as long as 9 years. Combined with frequent delays, these long development times have created the Valve time phenomenon.
Many in-jokes about these delays and long development times were formed. These jokes often make fun of the studio and Gabe himself, calling him lazy and mocking his weight. He is also pictured as a rather greedy man who wants to "keep Half Life 2 Episode 3 to himself" and commonly makes obscure excuses in order to delay it farther. One of the largest spin offs of this small meme is the nickname "Gaben".

Most users of these jokes are found in large Valve communities, such as the Team Fortress 2 community and the Half Life community.

Ex. 1:
A: "Why Valve aren't releasing Episode 3 yet?"
B: "Because Gabe Newell ate the Episode 3 game files."
Ex. 2:
A: "What happened to the new Left 4 Dead update? I should have been out almost 3 days ago!"
B: "Gabe delayed it again."

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