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Discusting Tartan Boxer shorts that smell like shit. The only reason anyone knows that he wears these is because he came out of the bathroom in the morning while I was witing for the toilet and he had nothing on besides these. He seemed very embarassed and ran as fast as the little man could. When I walked in I realised why he was embarassed and ran to his room. The toilet stank like the worst pile of shit ever created. I ran straight back out. I used a pint of Air freshener and could still smell it at the bottom of the stairs.
ME: You'll never guess what I just saw.
DAD: What?
ME: Lets call them Pork Scotch pants. He came out of the bathroom and ran to his room wearing Tartan boxers. The bathroom stank!
223👍 24👎
The greatest pizza topping in the world but unfortunately not sold by any pizza place. If you phone up a pizza place and ask for this fine pizza the 'hard working' dickhead will say "sorry mate we dont do that one." Rather than asking what is on it and making a sale. The Pork Scotch pizza is loved by fat, old, arseholes of security guards, mainly Pork Scotch himself. The topping is pork pieces in a thick gravy sauce.
MANLY GIRLFRIEND: I'm ordering Italian tonight. What do you want Max?
MAX: Just 3 Pork Scotch pizzas please.
214👍 24👎
A huge set of keys that make someone that is truly as important as a little fat security guard look as important as they actually are. Never seen without the holder wearing some Pork Scotch Shades and a gay Dickurity Guard uniform.
Flonkule: Hi Dad, I see the Scotcher is here.
Dad: Yeah I saw him earlier witha set of Pork Scotch Keys. They make him look so important.
111👍 11👎
Boring, sensible black trousers with flaps over the back pockets. Worn by fat security guards who go out with men in drag, these trousers send people to sleep just by looking at them.
What the hell is fatboy wearing?
Pork Scotch trousers. Boring aren't they? Its the flap that does it.
<snore>
173👍 21👎
The amazing ability of Pork Scotch's to bore you to bloody death just by saying "hello" to you. If he ever sees that you are in his boring presence you must escape it immediately because if the boring, gay twat so much as looks you in the eye, you will drop to the floor and fall into a deep sleep. He has entered many talent shows and the reason he didn't win was because he knocked out all the judges when he got on the stage and said "Hello there I'm Max" while wearing his shades that make him look important. He thinks he knocks all the ladies out because he's 'drop dead gorgeous'.
Pork Scotch: Hello Alex.
Me: Please don't use the Pork Scotch Talent on me!
Pork Scotch: What Talent? I don't recall any Tal...
Me (snoring): snaaaaaagggghhhhh, wwwwhhhoooooo.
166👍 20👎
A gay dance that only Pork Scotch will do when drunk at his garlic bread barbeque. It involves bending over and sharply moving his arms back and forward with a delay between each one.
MONKUS: What the hell is Pork Scotch doing?
MICKUS: It's a gay dance he does whenever he gets drunk with his wrinkly 'girlfriend' at one of his daily barbeques.
MONKUS: I see. Pork Scotch dance. Pretty stupid!
221👍 33👎
Shades worn by fat old men who want people to think they're young and trendy. Also useful for hiding bags under the eyes of droopy-faced old miseries.
Good God, what's the old twat wearing now? First it was the ridiculous shorts and sandals. Now the dickhead's got Pork Scotch Shades on.
191👍 30👎