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Quite possibly the only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm toilet seat. The thought of sitting and basking in the misery of someone else's rectal warmth is not only disturbing, but also detestable, repugnant, hideous, and completely repulsive. The most heinous, hardened criminal should not have to suffer a fate as bad as sitting on a warm toilet seat.
Those that enjoy warm toilet seats usually also enjoy drinking room temperature coffee, eating food off the floor despite the expiration of the 5-second rule, not washing their hands after using the bathroom (worsened only by the use of a warm toilet seat), discarding of damp baby diapers into a trash receptacle inside the house, using a reused plastic bag to pick-up dog feces with their hand, and other vile, wretched acts.
The only thing worse than a warm toilet seat is a warm public toilet seat. Should you find yourself forced to use a warm public toilet seat, you should promptly burn all of the flesh subjected to this unholy hell. May God have mercy on your soul.
Jeff: OMG! I just had to use the bathroom in the office. The toilet seat was......WARM!
Kari: Dear God! A warm toilet seat? Say it ain't so!
Jeff: It is so. I'm so ashamed, but there was no alternative.
Kari: I will pray for you. Meanwhile, here's some gasoline and a match. You know what you have to do.
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Also known as TSS.
A very common, yet rarely talked about condition that males go through. Your about to sit down on the toilet seat to disperse your waste and halfway down your heart drops and you have a panic attack because you think you are going to sit on your testicles. You try to retreat but its too late and you sit down 100% safely. Usually followed by a great sigh of relief.
Many males suffer from TSS and sometimes have night tremors about it!
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the imprint of the toilet seat on your butt. usually occurs when sitting on the seat for a long period of time.
Joe: oh my god, i just took a thirty minute dump
Tom: damn, you must have a bad case of toilet seat butt.
Joe: that i do my friend.
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T-S-N for short. The act of wearing a toilet seat around your neck, allowing the person shitting on you to be more comfortable whilst doing so...
1 Boss - "welcome to company, we are looking forward to working with you. If you go see Linda in HR she will issue you with your company T-S-N (toilet seat necklace), remember to wear at all times as we like to be comfortable when taking massive shits on you."
1 Employee - "thanks that sounds supes"
A first world injury can often occur when C.E.O's are forced to unload a massive steamer on said employee when not wearing their T-S-N
A toilet seat that pinches your ass upon arising. Most common with wooden toilet seats that have an invisible hairline crack that opens with the weight of someone sitting but closes up and grabs some ass skin when the user rises and the weight is removed.
That frisky toilet seat at school got me for some skin and hair.
When someone’s ass has a V shape to it and is very flat like they sat on the toilet all day.
“Dude, the lunch lady has got some nasty toilet seat ass in those tight clam diggers.”
Louise screamed at the kid for giving her a $20 bill for lunch and she walked away with her V shaped flat toilet seat ass.
Uncle Henry’s toilet seat ass is noticeable in any pair of jeans he wears because it excentuates how flat and V shaped it is.
the cold toilet seats are the people who nobody likes to sit on. In other words they are single and lonely. however on further inspection, some people would prefer a cold toilet seat to a warmed one as it makes them paranoid about someone else`s ass having just left.
Oh man, i just got dumped, guess i`ll have to join all the other cold toilet seats now :(
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