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A depraved sport enjoyed by bohemian arty types. The participants strip off and stand facing each other. On the referee's word they "engage" their genitalia and commence a sickening battle of diseased phalluses. The depraved spectators roar their approval of every thrust and slap, quaffing champagne throughout the contest. The winner is determined after one hour of cockmanship by 3 judges who award points for artistry, scabbiness, and blood-drawing. The winner enjoys a golden shower from all present and gets to bugger the referee's spaniel. The sport was named after Briggsy, the world's greatest arty bender, who invented it whilst celebrating winning the Turner Prize for his sculpture of a gorilla fucking a shark to death.
I'm in the mood for more entertainment after last night's Briggsy Fishing, Cedric.
Me too, Percy. I think its time for some Briggsy Cockfighting.
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The most revolting item of undergarmentage on the planet. This foul piece of grey polyester was worn by gay artist Briggsy for his yearlong tour of South American leper colonies. During this time the unwashed one rogered the suppurating sores of over 2000 lepers whilst wearing the thong. On his return to London he finally removed the thong at a press conference and announced he would be exhibiting it at Tate Modern. It was subsequently bought at auction by a collector for £5,000,000.
Since being bought by Saatchi Briggsy's Thong has burnt through 5 lead-lined display cases and has caused the deaths of 12 gallery employees.
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When a homosexual gentleman repeatedly slaps the buttocks of his arse-uppermost love-chum, using both hands on both cheeks, he is said to be playing the Briggsy Bongos. This was named in honour of the sex-crazed modern artist who, in the 1990s, beat the bum-drums of teenage boys in art colleges throughout south-east Asia and the English midlands.
Quentin, why on Earth are your divine fingertips bright purple?!
Oh, Melvyn! I met a delightful young man in the Tate Modern lavatories (you know the middle stall on the first floor?) and he simply begged me to bend him over the cistern and play the Briggsy Bongos until he needed new skins.
An artist who sells his wares in markets in the manner of an East End costermonger. He sets up his stall at dawn and adopts a cockney accent. His sad attempt to fit in with the common people is often seen through and he then becomes the victim of a thorough beating.
Look at that little cunt with the paintings!
Yeah, he's a Briggsy monger for sure. Let's pummel the little fucker.
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A disease that severely affects the brain causing the sufferer to be devoid of common sense, reality and render them completely useless at everything
Did you know there is only one confirmed case of Cerebral Briggsy in existence today?
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Theme park in Windsor celebrating the work of superstar gay artist Briggsy. The centrepiece is the Spunktank. This is a replica of Briggsy's most famous work of art, a drained swimming pool filled with Briggsy's jizz.
My favourite bit in Briggsy World is the Spunktank. I stole a pube as a souvenir.
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A television series shown on Channel 4. Loosely based on Hell's Kitchen it features the famous artist Briggsy as head chef. The contestants have to impress Briggsy by cooking meals using their own jizz. Briggsy tests all the dishes whilst playing with his little scabby cock. He awards points for taste and presentation. The winner is permitted to fellate Briggsy in Tate Modern whilst hundreds of onlookers cheer and shout arty slogans.
Are you off to Tate Modern, Quentin?
Certainly am, Benjy. The winner of Briggsy's Kitchen is receiving his prize this afternoon.
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