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A huge ass dog that loves to take up all the room on your couches and will sit on the couch with just their butt. They also slobber a lot and will shake their head and fling it on your ceilings and walls. The English mastiff slept on kings and queens a while back to keep them warm too.
Person 1: hey have you met my dog yet?
Person 2: no actually, what kind of dog?
Person 1: oh, he’s an English mastiff.
Person 2: holy shit ~runs for life~
when your girl gives you a blowjob after dental anesthetic and you nut in her mouth so that it drools down her chin
My girl went to the dentist today. Guess who got a messy mastiff afterwards?
An old mastiff is when one simply kidnaps and elderly person and inserts there penis in the elderly persons anus and uses them as a snow board.