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A sexual maneuver where one:
a) consumes 20-25 alcoholic beverages in a night out.
b) sleazily, creepily finds an equally or more inebriated member of the female sex to bring back to one's room.
c) interrupts the pre-game makeout session to go and take 4-5 times the recommended dose of generic viagra purchased from an illegal online pharmacy.
d) continues to fail to get more than a half-mast erection, but due to utter insanity and a complete disconnect from reality, continues to push the issue and proceeds to perform hours of overzealous cunnilinguis.
e) eventually takes the submissive bottom and tries to cram the now-quarter mast erection into the female partner's vagina, which leads to the crux of The Metcalf maneuver: DUE TO THE FLACCIDITY OF THE ERECTION, IT MUST BE ABLE TO HAVE A KINK SOMEWHERE AT THE MIDPOINT LEADING THE SEX (IF YOU CAN CALL IT THAT) TO BE EXTREMELY PAINFUL. Advanced versions of The Metcalf actually include the penis being folded in half and then inserted.
To spice things up a bit, Metcalf practitioners can also forget where they are, claim wholeheartedly to their roomates that they had a threesome when in fact it didn't happen, pass out, blast music extremely loud, or say incoherent and frightening things.
I am such a fucking moron who sucks so hard at life: I pulled another Metcalf last night.
I would honestly rather become a fluffer on an all-male porn set than pull another Metcalf.
Yeah, it was the worst sexual experience of my life; he pulled a Metcalf on me.
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metcalfing (verb):
1. To disclose illegal or immoral activities while unwittingly giving clues to the individual's true identity.
My buddy got caught metcalfing on a dating site by his wife.
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Bling-blingin', so bling-blingin' that you just can't get more bling-blingin' then a Metcalfe.
You so Metcalfe, man. So Metcalfe, that you just can't get more Metcalfe.
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Incredibly attractive, gifted, wise and good.
Wow! that person REALLY is Kev Metcalfe!
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rileigh- do you love me
koby metcalf - no i love my toilet more
Pro surfer from Cabo San Lucas now residing in Southern CA
Warren Metcalfe is a sick surfer.
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Koby is the MULLET DADDY 😍😍
his HOT ASF and is always on his THRONE (the toilet) HES TAKEN by the one and only donkeyyyy his funny smart, got the best personality ANDDD GOT THE BEST CUDDLES. he LEGIT loves food SOOO MUCH and has got a fatty 🍑🍑idc what yous say but i'd take a bullet for this mf 💗
his mum- anyone hungry
koby metcalf - FUCK YEAH
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