poundland battery

To be of very little energy and seemingly useless

Jack “I see that lazy bastard has turned up to work today”
Steve “yea I know! He’s as much use as a Poundland battery”

poundland

Proper (i.e. British) English translation of "dollar store". Used in a derisory fashion to mean a shoddy imitation or second rate substitute.
Its use is not limited to Tory politicians, though they do seem to provide the most cogent examples at the time of writing.

John Redwood is a poundland Jacob Rees-Mogg
Alexander Kemal Schleswig-Holstenpilsner Der PiddleJohnson is a poundland Donald Trump