The Saneil Theorem

For any projectile β in use in a typical gym match, involving any game with a projectile (volleyball, kickball, etc), the closer in proximity that the ball lands to Saniel, regardless of team or positive/negative effect, the more likely the situation is to go wrong and hurt the team.

See Corollary to the Saniel Theorem

The Saneil Theorem gaurantees success to anyone that hits the ball towards Saniel

Pythagorean Theorem

The only geometric theorem that will be used in the real world, primarily by tall people figuring out the best way to sleep in short people beds and TV manufacturers trying to find the largest possible number to put on the box.

Student 1: The pythagorean theorem is actually useful!
Student 2: Really? What's the pissgoreporn theorem?
Student 1: I don't fucking know!

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Hamlin Theorem

Big idea:

When one Hamlin is observed, then there are two that become one, One observed hamlin is actually two.

Points that support the claim:
-When 2 houses are terraformed into a house, they become cum
-Himgan hamlin, an inventor of the Somada Himgan music type has studied Elise Hamlins many cheeks, and he found that a house could be thought of every step of the way.

-Hamlin Homes wants to work with you to be your next builder. Bring us your plan or let us design a home for you. Either way, we can make your dream home become a reality!
-The act of pretending to be one's friend but once the time comes to take time out of their lives to associate with friends, bails out repeatedly.
Johnny coordinated for all of us to go racing, but at the last minute he pulled a Hamlin!
-everyone leave messages for hamlin homes and ask for skinner and if he is alive and/or breathing
-guys help i'm trapped in the white room. they are running tests on me, they are inflicting their medication tests on me. help it is white, i need to get out. Mr alloway is coming help no! no!!! noooooo! help!
-Do you know the hamlin man? the hamlin man? Want to shop at hamline hoe? homes i mean.
-Don’t forget Elise Hamlin. <3. Skinner real gang shit. He's on sherpa shit to the double g ganja crip. Tasted the motherload of Mrs. Postan’s placenta.
-have any of you guys tried raw placenta
-Neurotransmitters are becoming real life, therefore hamlin can’t be explained.
-End of theorem.

I hope Conner teaches us the Hamlin Theorem soon.

Goodliffe's Theorem

Goodliffe's Theorem predicts an inverse correlation between an individual's understanding of percentages, and the likelihood that they use the % button on a calculator.

Anyone with a thorough understanding of percentages is highly unlikely to use the % button on a calculator compared to someone with only a limited understanding of percentages.

Megan: Hey Phil, I'm trying to work out a percentage thingy, do you reckon Noel would show me how to use the % button on my calculator?

Phil: Are you cray cray?! Noel falls towards the extreme right of the Goodliffe's Theorem Curve - he'd just laugh at your stupidity. Try asking Matt.

The Hsieh Theorem

Simply stated, the combination of any nationality with any noun can be used to construct a novel name for a sexual act.

Applications of the Hsieh Theorem resulted in the following names of sexual acts: the Italian oil change, the Greek photocopier, the Brazilian lawnmower ... and so on.

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Kalejs Theorem

for one to digress from a topic so far that one no longer is speaking of anything of any relevance to the topic.

The Kalejs Theorem in practice; "Okay class today we are learning about electromagnetic radiation" (Proceeds to talk about volcanoes with the assistance of tools to find relevant videos)

Felix’s Theorem

For every nerd or virgin, there is a girl that is a 5 or above that wants to have intercourse with them. This is Felix’s Theorem

“I heard Lisa fucked Jerry last weekend”
“What? That kid who comes to school dressed like his league of legends character?”
“Yup. Felix’s Theorem, I guess.”