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Random
Covering a hung over friends's head in a cloud of white mist by spraying talcum powder out of your arse.
"My Father in law stayed in the same hotel as us for the night of our Wedding. I snuck into his room in the night and totally Scotch Misted him! He was ruined. He loved and and we did a massive high five."
2👍 9👎
A barbecue arranged by a boring old twat. No one turns up except his ugly girlfriend. They eat garlic bread at a plastic table, then proceed to drink gin and tonic until they're almost comatose. At which point the boring fat twat plays crap music very loud and dances like a spack. No Pork Scotch Barbecue is complete without the tedious "host" donning a leather cowboy hat, imagining he's a 5 foot 4 Clint Eastwood.
Flonkule: Is The Porky Scotcher at work today?
Mickus: No its not and the Sun's out so you know what that means don't you?
Flonkule: Bollocks! Another Pork Scotch Barbecue!
212👍 67👎
Abreviated to PS2. A second man that has a Pork Scotch but is in complete contrast to the original Pork Scotch. He is actually a really nice bloke that you can relate to and be friends with. Pork Scotch is a boring, fat old security guard that believes he is supreme enough place a cone where he parks his shitty old van with an odd number of windows. PS2 also has a white van with normal van windows that is much cleaner than Pork Scoth's. He will join Pork Scotch at his several barbeques and has a son we call PSP. Pork Scotch 2's real name is Jim. The 2 Pork Scotch's rooms are right next to each other in the same flats building. They each wear different hats, Pork Scotch has a gay buffalo hat and Pork Scotch 2 has a cap.
Me: A up Jim. What are you gonna do today?
Pork Scotch 2: I'm gonna go with Ant and my Mum to town and watch TV with them, mate.
Me: Ok, what about you Harry?
Pork Scotch: I'm gonna go to the pub to watch Arsenal lose and then eat some garlic bread with Goofy Granny.
198👍 63👎
The slowest walking speed possible. Only fat old security guards with short stumpy legs can achieve this incredibly slow rate of movement. Given a headwind and a hangover the Pork Scotch walk can compete with continental drift for lack of swiftness.
Is that fat guy sleeping on his feet?
No he's on his way to work. He's so old and flabby he can't go any faster than a Pork Scotch walk.
33👍 8👎
the act of farting while in a 69 position and leaving a little peice of excrement on the others forhead
Susna looked great after i left her a scotch bonnet
10👍 90👎
The name assumed by a fat security guard who thinks that sitting in the gatehouse of a pie factory makes him the most important man in the world. He spends most of his working day reading his newspaper and demanding to see the ID of the only people of lower grade than him - the toilet cleaners.
Stop! Who goes there?
None of your fat business. Who the hell are you?
I am the Scotch, the Big Bad Scotch.
Correction. You're a fat ugly nobody with little legs and a gay moustache.
45👍 17👎
An appliance used by fat security guards for keeping all the food responsible for maintaining their waistline above 50 inches. To anyone else who has access to it its a repository for steaming piles of shit.
Pork Scotch (opening the Pork Scotch Fridge): Dear God what's that smell!
Maybe your food's gone off.
Pork Scotch: Someone's put a bag of shit in my fridge!
I saw some niggers hanging round earlier.
Pork Scotch: I'll kill 'em all!
19👍 6👎