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The city that is better than sydney and everyone is only permitted to dress in black
You can experience 4 seasons in just under an hour!
Expect to find eshays at almost every train station, threatening you and trying to steal ur nike tns, and threatening to shank you.
Tourist: Wtf?!? It was 50°c two minutes ago!! How is it snowing!?! How is it snowing in Melbourne?!?
Melbourne is a great place, has lots to do, great history, amazing public transport and is of course the birthplace of footy. Everything about Melbourne is great, including the people.
Except for the children.
In Melbourne, most twelve year old kids have already had sex, vaped, smoked, done drugs or whatnot. Melbourne is fucked.
I’m from Melbourne btw.
Chinese: wife we should move to melbourne!!!
Everybody from melbourne: don’t for your sake and ours.
melbourne is a super huge weird city in australia that always says its better than sydney but who cares. everyone says melbourne is really good but we're really just a dumb place with a lot of gangs and eshays and crimes and stuff. mainly in fitzroy and northcote there are literally so many eshays and lads stealing cars and bashing people and stuff like that. the beaches are better in sydney. there are a lot of old men that stare at you creepily if you go to fitzroy north. we have some cool stuff though like the MGC and federation square and good food. there are heaps of wannabe mafia gangs mainly made up of eshays. also dont miss out on the royal melbourne show or else you will be dissapointed.
"look at that kid, he looks like an eshay from Melbourne,"
A city where the weather is f*cked up. It would be so different today to what it was yesterday and what it will be tomorrow.
Guy 1- Bro Melbourne's weather has been so fucked recently
Guy 2- Oh you think?!
Guy 1- Yeah it, it was 12 degrees yesterday , 20 degrees today and it's forecast to be 8 degrees and pissing down tomorrow!