God willing and the Creek don't rise.

1. Everything that can be done is being done and what's left is hope.
2. Hoping that something does or doesn't happen.

God willing and the Creek don't rise, I will ride that damn dick!

85👍 50👎

Don't feed me straight lines

Usually in a comedy situation with two people, one is the "straight man". He sets up the funny guy with a "straight line" -- a statement which allows the funny guy to make a joke. Therefore a straight line is really a "set up" for a joke.

Don't feed me straight lines, young man!

23👍 11👎

I don't think you're fat

Guyspeak for "who cares, just open your legs". Used to get a girl into bed, regardless of her actual weight.

GF: I hate my body - do you think I'm fat?
BF: I don't think you're fat.

46👍 25👎

I Don't Know, Man, It's Just Like...I Don't Know, Ya Know?

The perfect thing to say when you haven't been listening to a conversation that you started. This works for an answer to virtually any question. Perfect for answering if you can't hear the speaker in a crowded, loud room.

Friend: "So how've you been lately? Any better?"
You: "WHAT?"
Friend: "I said, HOW'VE YOU BEEN?"
You: (panicking) "Oh, uh...I don't know, man, it's just like...I don't know, ya know?"
Friend: "Yeah, totally."

39👍 3👎

CLOSED LEGS DON'T GET FED

IF YOU DON'T HAVE SEX YOU DON'T MAKE MONEY, HENCE YOU CAN'T EAT.

WOMAN #1: "I DON'T MIND STRIPPING BUT HAVING SEX IS A WHOLE NOTHER THING."

WOMAN #2: "GIRL IN THIS BUSINESS, CLOSED LEGS DON'T GET FED."

29👍 17👎

I don't want to miss a thing

One of the sweetest love songs ever written. Almost everyone understands how it feels to "Stay awake just to hear their sigificant otherbreathing..."

Jamie-"What song did you dance to at your wedding?"
Roxanne- "I don't want to miss a thing"
Jamie- "aww how sweet!"

22👍 13👎

Don't Give Me No Chive Burger

A special Bob's Burgers burger... that's served with no chives!

"Hey Bob, what's the burger of the day?" "It's the Don't Give Me No Chive Burger, you should try it!"

59👍 31👎