Alabama Wipe

Usually happens at work or out in public, you shit in such a way dry shit-tickets (toilet paper) alone won't clean up after the party. So spit on a stack of shit-tickets and wipe your ass. Repeat as needed untill clean.

I shit at work today I had to "Alabama Wipe" after wards. Bombed the fuck out of that shit closet.

Wet Wipe

Normally used to describe a lad who thinks he’s all that but isn’t even half of that. Can typically be found frequenting the same sports bars, in the same outfit, drinking the same pink gin and lemonade. Spends his spare time flirting with girls way out of his league, relaxing on the sun bed and saying he’s going to the gym when he’s actually taking it slow in the steam room.

A: oh my god I have a date with Matt Burnett this weekend
B: what?! No, girl, you can’t. He’s SUCH a wet wipe

Forever Wipes

After a wicked dump, when no matter how well refined your rectal cleaning technique, you leave the can with a less than immaculate asshole.

Man that bbq was good but talk about forever wipes.

Mid-wipe

Halfway through taking a shit, one simply wipes their ass with a moist baby wipe in between pushing out turds. This wipe helps minimize the mess and reapplies lubricant for a cleaner poop. When combined with the pre-wipe method you are defecating at maximum cleanliness.

After eating two Chipotle burritos I felt the need to birth a brown monster in the toilet. Two flushes later I quickly realized I wasn’t anywhere close to being finished. I reassessed the situation at hand and with a quick mid-wipe I was back in control on my throne. I pushed out one remaining turd with ease and continued the rest of my day.

Safety Wipe

The act of wiping ones arse independent of having defecated. Wiping is done for safety upon suspicion of having anal leakage; usually due to sharting (see shart), excessive sweating, gophering (which has since retracted), or any combination thereof.

"I just sharted and need to take a safety wipe right away."

Wipe-and-Type

The practice of going through emails while on the shitter.

It wasn't until I heard the flush that I realized that my colleague on the phone was doing a wipe-and-type.

Wipe out

To destroy or exterminate

Wipe Out - Used to demonstrate a call to destroy or exterminate
"Those incels need to be wiped out"
"They need to be wiped out if they don't learn our culture"