because jesus

Used (usually sarcastically) to "explain" why homosexuality/LGBT/abortion/marijuana/brown people/citizens of countries other than the US/what have you is "bad".

Imaginary interviewer to Pat Robertson: "Why are you so opposed to the rapidly expanding normalization of non-traditional sex roles?"
Robertson: "Because Jesus."

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Golden Jesus

A street name for heroin.

Got some golden jesus?

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Jesus Padilla

Jesus Padilla is an amazing friend. You can always count on Jesus, he is very understanding, he will help you or anyone in anything, he will always be there for you at anytime, he has a great heart, he is very hilarious too. When you meet Jesus you will love him forever. He has a badass,hot, and amazing voice. Jesus is a really fun person you will never get bored of. Jesus will make your mornings, evenings, and nights, the whole day. He is sweet and will make you feel very comfortable when you talk him. Jesus is also short, not that short though. He will always keep a smile in your face. Jesus is just the perfect friend to have. Jesus is also very handsome and very intelligent. If you know Jesus Padilla you should be very thankful to have him. Jesus Padilla is the definition of respect, intelligence, courageous, hilarious, sweet, and handsome.

Girl 1: guess what??

Girl 2: what??

Girl 1: Their is this guy I have been talkin for a big while and he is a great friend. You should meet him.

Girl2: what's his name??

Girl1: Jesus Padilla

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Touching Jesus

Getting high, usually by using marijuana. Commonly misunderstood for masturbating.

Yo man I'm touching Jesus right now!
Gross.

Nah, i mean spiritually!
Oh nice bro!

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Meet Jesus

A metaphor for death. To meet Jesus is to die, be judged and then meet Jesus. You can meet Jesus by eating KFC (Kentucky From China), or from being unable to frigth back to your instain mother.

Plistinblitzen: I'm the bab
by gotta love me!
Gecock42069: time to kill the baby.
Plistinblitzen: oofenheimer, I have been did done did.
Alphanumeral: ok fux, I'm the only 乇乂ㄒ尺卂 ㄒ卄丨匚匚one here so Lenny talk.
Gecock42069: you haven't gone to SUPRA BINYOT LANDE yet.
Plistinblitzen: *fucking dies*
Hodgepodgeman123: I'm with him. *Fucking dies*
Gecock42069: ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐
Alphanumeral: I uhh.. need to go meet Jesus bye-bye!
Alphanumeral: *fucking dies*

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Black Jesus

Soulja boy's alter ego. Shows acts of kindness to people, people look at him like he is Jesus. Being swagged the fuck out.

Oh look it's black Jesus and he is making it rain on use peasants, so we can eat.

Oh look it's black Jesus he is swagged the fuck out

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jesus tits

generic exclamation of shock, disgust, disbelief, or awe (not necessarily originating from subjects related to christianity nor female anatomy); usually followed by a pronoun in practice

"jesus tits, man, how could you have forgotten the bottle opener...again!" or "jesus tits, dude, that thing missed my ear less than an inch!"

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