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A sexual act when you shave a woman's genitals then glue her pubic hair to your upper lip only to twist it into a Snidely Whiplash style mustache. You then proceed to tie her to the bed then stand by the bed side laughing mechanically as a line of men run a train on her (having sex with her one after another). Each man pulls out and ejaculates on her stomach until her entire torso is covered in semen. She is then left tied up over night until the semen dries and becomes flaky.
The entire hockey team taught her a bit about Canada's History and come morning she was glazed like a bear claw.
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The most depraved sexual act in human history.
During the crossing of the great Land Bridge from modern-day Siberia to Canada, man's brain was relatively undeveloped; as a result, his nerves were also undeveloped, especially involving sexual titillation. Getting a man to climax took extreme feats.
Fossils have been found of a grown man having entered a woman from the vagina with most of his lower body, having pierced her left and right armpits with mammoth tusks and using that, it seems, as leverage to move in every direction inside of her. Judging by the proximity to where the fossils were found, it seems that the woman was ritualistically waterboarded as well, perhaps to make her body convulse and writhe in order to arouse the male.
There is also evidence of using some sort of sticky substance, perhaps syrup, instead of lubrication, in order to add friction to the penetration.
Most intriguing, however, is the recent find of what appears to be a sacrificial bowl on top of a pillar, which closely resembles the modern day Stanley Cup. Judging by the premature bones found in the bowl, it appears that, in cases of extreme inability to reach climax, the male would perform the above sexual act on an infant so that there was more control over movement. When the act was finished, the semen was harvested and implanted into a mature female using moose antlers, and the infant was nursed back to health using syrup, which was the ancient's version of Advil, KY, and Elmer's.
"Mrs. Shepard, your husband's mind has been warped by his cruel sexual abuse as a child: it seems as though he will respond to nothing short of a Canada's History. I'm sorry. I can give you the number of an excellent divorce lawyer."
6👍 15👎
The act of dipping your stationary office pen in maple syrup, deep frying it, and wrapping it in the Canadian flag, then pushing it up your ass oriented orifice with your tongue, while rubbing maple syrup into your chest and pubic hair.
Oh man, yesterday I got paid 50 bucks by some American fat guy to do Canada's History with him. It had to be the most knowledgeable experience in my life.
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A sexual act preformed atop a moose. The woman inserts a moose antler into her vagina, while a man, using maple syrup as lubricant, preforms anal sex upon her anus. The moose balances on the Stanley Cup during Canada's History.
Girl: "My vag is now 2 feet deep and my anus is sticky from preforming Canada's History.
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The most depraved and disgusting things that could possibly be imagined. Illegal in 98% of the world's country's, it involves Moose Antlers, Maple Syrup, the Stanley Cup, and Stephen Colbert. Large quantities of bodily fluids and all orafaces are mutually involved, as well as small children, puppy dogs, farmyard animals, and a thing called Necroleprosy.
A guy walks into a Talent Agent's office and says "Me and my family have a wonderful act." The talent agent says, "What do you do?" to which he replies "We tell Canada's History." "Great, but what do you call yourselves?" The man replies, "The Aristocrats!"
5👍 12👎
When you take a gallon of maple syrup and pour it into someone's anus, then you take three pinecones and a beaver magazine, which is rolled into a muzzle, and shoot the pinecones out via pumping action.
After buying a jug of maple syrup at Costco, she became Canada's History.
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Noun; The act of having sex with a moose while its playing hockey and calling you "buddy".
My cousin told me about his friend from up north that used to get drunk pull something he called a "Canada's History". He said it only works when you're drunk though, otherwise you won't be able to hear the moose call you "buddy".
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