Rural Dictionary

Evil Council

The Evil Council, (aka Councilium Malum Trium), is a mock group founded by three Lancaster, Pennsylvanian high school students in 2005. It has been decided that there will only ever be three official members that way if a vote needs to be taken, only two members need to be present and agree for majority rule, and therefore a conclusion will always be drawn. The three founders have three "sons" who are more-or-less interns. There are also several associates who do not take part in the decision-making process, but do help create and improve ideas. One of the main "goals" of the Evil Council (EC) is to create the world's largest conglomeration. To do so, several smaller companies (which are usually spin-offs of real companies) who have a tendency to produce somewhat over-the-top and ridiculous products have been and are in the process of being thought up.

Meetings of the Evil Council
Periodically, the Evil Council will gather for “meetings”. Typically the three main members will get together at one of the member’s houses and any other affiliates are welcome to join. These meetings usually consist of a good few hours of playing Bond matches, Halo, Splinter Cell’s Co-op missions or any other shoot-‘em-up games. After this has taken place for a few hours, destruction of some sort commences. This ranges from making Amish bombs (if you don’t know what they are, they are similar to a dry ice bomb… that is nonlethal, just loud and fun) to a tennis ball canon (which can shoot a tennis ball about 1/4 mile) to setting random (unneeded) things on fire. For example, recently an old Macintosh computer was on the list of “to burn”. During this burning, it was discovered that capacitors violently explode when heated…. The most famous of the meetings is one conducted annually at the conclusion of an educational year where a huge bonfire is built using all the papers and unneeded “junk” collected throughout the educational year. The burn typically lasts 4+ hours. Burgers, hotdogs, marshmallows and s’mores typically accompany.

The Conglomerate
BSMA (Brent-Servansky Missile Agency): is a mock agency founded by two of the three EC founders a year prior to the creation of the EC. BSMA and the EC were merged when the EC was founded and the BSMA became the first sub-company of the EC. The goal of the BSMA was to create a means of nonlethal revenge tactics. Being that the group was formed in Lancaster, PA and the founder's initials are 'B' and 'S', it seemed only appropriate to create "BS" missile which are exactly what they sound like. This gave the group a new nickname: the Bull S**t Missile Agency. A second invention came from the BSMA. This was known as the BSMA House Flipper. It started, as most EC "ideas" do, as a cartoon drawing. The drawing consisted of six frames depicting two guys and a mobile crane picking up a house right off the foundation, rotating it 180 degrees so that the roof now faces the ground, and then placing it back as if nothing was out of the ordinary. The idea for the BSMA House Flipper originally came from a diss-off competition between the BSMA founders which ended when one founder could not come up with a diss. Knowing that he lost, he angrily muttered "That's it! I'm going to flip your house!" The other founder, shocked, didn't quite know how to respond so he started laughing uncontrollably.

Unjuicer, Inc.: Unjuicer, Inc. is a company which creates products that will recreate the original form of that product from the modified form of that product. For example, a juicer will take an apple and turn it into apple juice. An unjuicer will take the apple juice and turn it into an apple. It works by feeding the juice into a starch blank of the fruit or other product, and then coating it with the appropriate dye and flavorings. This line of products truly has no use unless you were baking an apple pie and did not have any apples but had apple juice.

CompuBS: CompuBS is a computer company which claims to have the only computers which “wait for you to load” the base model CompuBS computer offers four octuple-core 27.07GHz processors linked with 500Gb of 13.5GHz RAM and a 1.8Tb Solid-state HD. The computer comes loaded with the latest version of BSOS, the EC’s line of operating systems.

BSL (BS ‘Lectric): A spoof of PPL (Pennsylvania Power and Light) , it is a power company which fuels its generation of electricity by burning books and literature which have been considered “great works of literature”, but not so by the EC. Typically these are books which the EC was required to read in high school. The original fuel was Jane Eyre.

König Clothing: König, the German word for “King”, is a line of clothing including three styles: König Classic, for the casual wearer; König Business for the classier style; König Athletic for the athlete and König ‘G’ for the young and hip look.

ChemBS: ChemBS is a lab where “anything is possible with enough radioactive bombardment”. It was at ChemBS where three new elements were found: Bs (Bullshitium), Ec (Evilcouncilium) and Sv (Servanskium). It was found that over 95% of tangible homework and tax forms are composed of Bs. Bs has an atomic number of 234.7 (some subatomic particles are nonexistent) and has infinite mass per mole. Bs is also used by the BSMA in some of their missiles and by BSL as fuel. Sv was found to have the largest atomic radius of any element: 37.7ft.

BSOS: a spinoff of Windows Operating System. The logo has the Windows XP logo with bull horns plus a Gateway-esque cow background.
BS-ictionary: much like a dictionary made by Webster…. Only full of BS
Bullshittic-Packard: a spinoff of HP. BP makes all sorts of electronic goodies: computers and their accessories to cameras, TVs and just about anything else electronic.

CCCP: Custom Cubic Car Providers: A company which develops, builds, tests and sells cubic cars. These cars are known to be able to maneuver around any object at extremely high speeds. It moves only in 90 and 180 degree angles…either moving forward/backward or left/right. If the car needs to go right at some angle other than 90 degrees, then it will move in a series of 90 and 180 degree turns to navigate to where it needs to go and much like the Segway it never stops moving even when at “rest”.

The number of companies in the EC/BSMA conglomerate are truly vast along with their product types. New companies are always being developed, and, along with each company, a logo is designed/Photoshoped. The companies listed here are merely a sampling of what the BSMA conglomerate has.

Tonight, the Evil Council will meet!

by Dan (Founder 3/3) April 14, 2008

6👍 22👎

Council Carwash

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Evil Council

Council Of Elders

Dark Council