Jizz Hands

Hands that are covered in a generous layer of semen, usually after having given multiple hand jobs. Jizz hands make completing everyday tasks a real hassle.

*Phone rings*

Mom: "Sweetheart, can you answer my phone. I have jizz hands at the moment. You're father packs one hell of a load!"

Son: "Ok."

*Son answers phone with a fresh pair of jizz hands of his own after spanking his meat, covering the phone in a crucible of hot semen*

Hand Virgin

When you haven't ever jacked off

Person #1: are you a hand virgin?

Person #2: no, I jack off every single night

Hand fetish

When someone gets an erection because he sees hands

Brian: Yoshikage Kira has a hand fetish
Sam: oMg is that A fUckIng JOJO reference??!

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squirrel handed

To have a squirrel for a hand

Some people are squirrel handed. Gregor is a weird name.

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hand fruit

Any fruit that is normally eaten by holding it whole in one's hand (e.g. apples, bananas, etc.)

Fruits that are only palm-able by giants or people with hand deformities (and palm-able things that are not fruits) don't count.

A: Is a casaba a hand fruit?
B: Only if you're Andre the Giant.

A: Excuse me, could you direct me to the Hand Fruit section?
B: The what?

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quiet hands

An admonishment one can whisper to oneself or another when it becomes important to inhibit an overwhelming curiosity and desire to handle everything within reach.

I heard him softly muttering “quiet hands” to himself as he eyeballed everything he was gleefully imagining touching.

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hand kink

hand kink is when a person is attracted to someones hand

john loves audreys hand, so he has a hand kink

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