Penis pep talk

The speech one gives directly before the sex is over to encourage his/her sexual partner to ejaculate

Guy 1: so what happened with her last night?
Guy 2: it was amazing. She gave me a penis pep talk and everything.

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Magical Talking Tree

A dark humor joke which tells the story of a certain organism(Human, Insect, Reptile) going through a depression or sadness. On a journey, this organism meets a tree, which has the ability to speak and grant wishes, who asks the organism what is troubling them just seconds before the story twists and kills the organism in a fitting/non-fitting way.

There once was a lonely T-Rex walking through a magical forest. "How could my day be any worse?" says the T-Rex. He then came across a Magical Talking Tree who says, "What ails you, my friend?" The T-Rex looks up and is hit by an asteroid. The end.

There once was a sad, bald girl sitting on her hospital bed. "How could my life be any worse?" Says the girl. She then came across a Magical Talking Tree who says, "What ails you, my child?" The little girl looks at the tree and is beaten by her father. The end.

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To talk like a russian

To tell lies, especially when others know the truth.

Originates from the way how russian propaganda lies to everyone about their actions by twisting the truth. Like when they shelled Ukrainian cities and blamed Ukrainians for that. In other words, if russians are talking about it, they are most certainly lying.

Have you heard about James?
YES! I can't believe he decided to talk like a russian about what happened to him in Vegas!
I know, what a liar.

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Talking below the belt

When everybody thinks that a guy and a girl are just talking, but they're actually already having sex

Guy 1: How's it going with that girl?
Guy 2: Pretty good I guess
Guy 3: Nah, they're talking below the belt

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Talk to me nice

To talk to someone freaky/ dirty.. the way he/she wants to be talked to or pleased.

Hey.. since it’s late night, you should talk to me nice!

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talk Bout Bitch

It is when your girl is acting up and you use this to lower her self esteem

Man, you broad is fuckin gay, Talk Bout Bitch!!!

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we need to talk

When your boyfriend gets bored but decides to dump you nicely so he can still get a shag when it pleases him. Usually followed by the phrase I still want to be friends and it's not you, it's me.

What your mom says when she finds out you fucked your now ex-boyfriend.

Guy: We need to talk
Girl: *cries*
Guy: Look, it's not you, it's me, I mean I still wanna be friends... it's just not working out.
*Girl gets lots of cuddles of now ex-bf, goes home and peices together heart which is then shattered again after the discovery of his new gf*

Mom: Rebekah, we need to talk.
daughter:*panics and mutters 'oh shit, I'm gonna get a bollocking coz of that twat... and that cheap new tart of his... It hurts :'('* *faked innocence* Why?
Mom: Rebekah have you ever had sex?
Daughter then comes up with a lie which mother sees thru instantly

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