The cookie doesn't crumble far from the tree.

A saying by non-native English speakers who have literally no idea how our metaphors or idioms work. Bullshit nonsense that's probably the butt of a joke or something.

Person 1: Hey Sven, why weren't you at work yesterday?
Sven: That's the way the apple falls when the cookie doesn't crumble far from the tree.
Person 1: ...

Monkey steal pear from tree

an old-school fighting move derived from a mixture of Korean and Japanese kung fu, where the attacker graps his opponets scrotum turns a 180 an backfists his opponet in the stomach then the face while never letting go of his scrotum

Josh: did u hear what happened to Joe last night?
Rev:Yeah i was the one who pulled off Monkey steal pear from tree
Josh:O ok i'm gonna leave now

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counting my monkeys before they're out of the trees

Assuming you will have something before you actually have it; similar to "counting your chickens before they hatch" (which is commonly attributed to Aesop).

"The Mariners could do better than expected this year."

"Let's not kid ourselves. Check your premises before you make a prediction."

"I'm assuming a number of things go right. Maybe I'm just counting my monkeys before they're out of the trees."

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my palm tree be throwing up new leaves!

an expression indicating optimism regarding ones current situation

You: So what's the word with that rash of yours?
Me: Dude, my palm tree be throwing up new leaves! Doc, says it'll clear up just fine.

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shake the tree until they all cum out.

A sex phrase that involves masturbation or sex with a woman.

it means you stroke your dick until all the semen shoots out.

12 year old: I cannot cum, but why?

Sex obsessed person: Well, you gotta shake the tree until they all cum out.

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Turf ass tree chicken tender toilet paper grinch

I hate him

Boy I hate him, turf ass tree chicken tender toilet paper grinch!

Fell Out Of The Ugly Tree And Hit Every Branch On The Way Down

Commonly used phrase referencing the degree to which an individual is considered unattractive. Possibly a regional colloquialism used in the Oklahoma area.

Billy Bob: "Geez! That woman with the balding patte, bulbous nose, black front teeth, and tattoo of 'I Like It Rough,' sure is ugly!"

Billy Roy: "She sure has a flabby gut, and that backside ain't too perty neither!"

Billy Billy: "Boys, that there gal Fell Out Of The Ugly Tree And Hit Every Branch On The Way Down!"

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