Barbeque my kangaroo

Suck my dick

Guy: WHO HERE WANTS TO BARBEQUE MY KANGAROO
Girl: MEEE

If I'd known you were coming, I'd have shaved my beard

Da "parody on da cake-baking saying" remark dat you smilingly say to a cute chick whom you've unexpectedly met somewhere, and you are savoringly pressing her soft warm palms against yer fuzzy cheeks.

I always love joking around about, "If I'd known you were coming, I'd have shaved my beard" wif pretty girls whom I befriend; said humorous remark always gets da biggest amused giggle-fits outta dem.

twidle my asshole hairs

This is when you use a twiser to remove your asshole hairs.

im gonna twidle my asshole hairs

Because that's on my resume

Something you say sarcastically to your boss when they constantly ask you to do work that's not in your job description or some lazy co-workers'responsibility.

Boss: Hey Steve, can you go pick me up a birthday card for my wife?
Steve: Because that's on my resume.

Boss: Hi Mary, Steve screwed up our quarterly stats again. Do me a fave and fix it by tomorrow?
Mary: (sarcastic eye-roll) Yeah because that's on my resume! Glad Steve makes $10G's more than me.

shakin’ in my gucci boots

An expression of extreme fear

“Are you ready for the orgasmicon”
*sylvester stillone gulped*
*kermit the frog stood shakin’ in his Gucci boots*

Shakin’ In my Gucci boots

My Cat

That moment when you excessively drink bubble tea for countless days on end

friend: Hey is that Bubble tea
Me: yes I am doing My Cat

my cat

me: ok im at home

my cat: rooooooooooooom im a car i` just got out of the car

me: oh no my cat is gonna run over me

me" gets run over while running down the hall

me: oooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

my cat is gonna run me over