Phone Lag

The amount of EXTRA time that disappears into the ether at a red-to-green light or the ADDITIONAL time shit-canned while moving forward in any line, primarily due to those obliviously lost starring into their phone.

Boss- You seem to be later than usual this morning?
You- Yea, left 15 mins early, but I experienced some serious Phone Lag during my commute, it's getting impossible to pre-determine these days.

You at Wally-Mart; ( standing with a puzzling look)

Your friend: You better get in line, what are are you waiting for?

You: I'm trying to calculate the Phone Lag we're about to experience either behind the shopping moms or the pack of Millennials???

brown phone

Slang term for the urge to expell one's bowels.

"I'm getting a customer service call on the brown phone."

Phone High

When two friends call each other high and have a meeting

Wanna have phone high?

poop
Anita Poop
Hugh Jass

oh hi.

whore phone

A cheap phone that you only give the number to whores, so that they don't bother you on your regular phone.

Hey, that looks like a candidate for my whore phone!

Phone Shy

The inablility to talk on the phone due to extreme shyness.

Noel is too phone shy. I cant get her to have phone sex with me.

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Red Phone

The act of screening a call from family, a friend, or common acquaintance. Can have hazardous result depending upon the speed of the screen. Usually accomplished through a cell phone.

"Are you sure you called him, you were hardly on the phone."

"It went straight to his answering machine. He red phoned me back to the stone age."

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phone pig

Noun.

One who is forced to earn a living by spending each day on the phone either receiving or making phone calls for the purposes of marketing, sales or customer support. Though generally reviled, Phone Pigs are often intelligent creatures, forced to accept crappy jobs due to a stagnant employment market. Happily, most phone pigs have a short life span, often quitting with the words 'Fuck this, I'm going to live in Australia.'

'We need to recruit some more Phone Pigs; the others have all topped themselves.'

'I work as a Phone Pig to pay for studio time.'

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