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A Jonathan is a clear plastic water bottle of any size filled halfway or all the way with water, stuffed with basically any piece of plastic or paper or dirt you can find and held as a keepsake. You shake it and just bring it around with you.
Walking to a job interview? Bring your homemade Jonathan with you. Funeral? Jonathan's coming with you too.
Some ideas of materials to put in your Jonathan include moldy bread, anti-brain zap tablet boxes, or anything you can find. You can purchase ready-made Jonathans in Argos.
Elliot: Hey Brad! Whatcha got there?
Brad: Hi Elliott! Oh, this old thing? This is a Jonathan. I made it myself.
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The quite kid thats going to shoot up the school. He makes jojo refrences and likes anime.
"oh boi jonathan is making a jojo refrence while shooting up the school again"
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Jonathan: Wow look at that yeeyee juice I'mma drink it
Friend: NOOO
Jonathan: I got the horses in the back :))
Hand over the toes or I'll go to trader Joe's
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a fuckboy , breaks everyone's heart , NEVER FALL FOR HIM , (: he will cheat on you and he will never love you back lmao , he knows who this is so , he can suck my ass
Did you hear Jonathan cheated on Yoamy?
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Another word for an amazing liar. No lie, a Jonathan makes the polygraph look like a bitch. . Tends to be mediocre-looking, with a boring personality and cruel intentions, but somehow managed to snag hot chicks his entire life up until recently (probably because he's good at playing the nice guy which goes hand-in-hand with the lying). But it soon becomes painfully obvious that the Jonathan is not interested in pretty girls, except for social status. They much prefer ugly girls who clean a lot. A Jonathan excels at stealing these ugly girls from his "friends" and tends to wife them up because he sucks at cleaning. DO NOT, under any circumstances, trust a Jonathan around your homely, housewife fiancée. Next thing you know, you'll be finding her oversized panties behind the couch from when they're hooking up while you're at work. Or better yet, DO let these guys come around if you're engaged to a heffa you're trying to get rid of. A Jonathan will take the grenade for you, so despite all his other shitty qualities, this makes him a real wingman.
Jonathans can be easily identified by their blue eyes and standoffish personalities. You also might find them in the company of a single alpha male friend whose behavior the Jonathan will try to emulate, and fail miserably at. But you will not normally find a Jonathan in a large crowd, for they terrify him. Also, most people think Jonathan is a giant douche canoe.
"I don't know how that guy went from a hot, awesome chick like that last one to the loose, pasty, busted slut he's dating now. He must be a Jonathan."
"That Jonathan did me a huge solid when he stole my whale of a fiancée. Turns out, I'm actually not a huge fan of busted looking faces and being nagged for dumb shit all the time. Thanks Jonathan! You the real MVP."
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A non groovey version of Jimmy Davao who girls for 15 year olds, he sits in his van and waits for them with his mattress
Hey there's a creepy dude in the van, he looks like a Jonathan
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