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A comedian with the most off beat, hilarious sense of humour ever heard to man. Created a cult-like following of loyal subjects that wish they were half as funny as his dog. Tragically, Mitch departed this world in late March 2005, leaving us only with fond memories and this lesson learned:
1. Everyone worth anything is on drugs
2. Drugs kill people
3. Everyone worth anything dies
"I was sitting at a bar, and no one was talking to me cuz I had just did a show *Crowd laughs*, and this guy bumped into me, and he didn't apologize, he just said, 'Move!' which I thought was rude, so I said, 'Go to hell,' and then I started to run. He caught up with me. He had a moustache, a goatee, earrings, a pair of sunglasses, his hair was in a pony tail, and he was wearing a hat. He said, 'Hey! You got a lot of nerve!' I said, 'Hey, you've got a lot of............cranium accesories!" *Everyone laughs. Mitch laughs* Ha, this a smart crowd. When I play the dumb crowds I have to say, 'You've got a lot of shit on your head!'"
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The blue whale's anus can open 3.5 feet, making it the second largest asshole in the world next to Mitch McConnell.
I was so constipated from eating that cheeseball last night that my asshole stretched out to the size of Mitch McConnell when I took a shit this morning.
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The highest attribute a sportsman can be.
Just unbeatable.
Awesome.
You have mitch-tastic skills.
How mitch-tastic
Probably one of the funniest comedians to ever stand on a stage and hold a microphone. His comedy was all over the place, had no real story line to it, but always made you laugh. Sadly though, Mitch died in 2005 of a heart complication.
Hopefully he's making funnies for God, Jesus, and all those bigshots up on the big stage in the sky. This deffinition is dedicated to you Mitch! You rock my socks!....Totally.
R.I.P. Mitch
Some infamous quotes from Mitch Hedberg::
"Some hotels don't have 13th floors because of supersticion...But people on the 14th floor, you know what floor you're really on. Jump out the window of the 13th floor and you will die earlier."
"Rice is great if you want 2000 of something."
"It dosn't matter whether you're black, white, green, or purple...oh wait - green or purple? I think we have to draw the line somewhere. So the hell with purple people...Unless they're choking...then help 'em!"
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skinny ethopian like man that lerks the dark streets and back alleys praying on nothing but leaves and the odd half eaten chicken wing, this creature looks like its dieing but dont be surpised when it attacks u with its fierce long and skinny finger nails.
brayden- man what is that thing following us.
ty- just run its skinny mitch he will try and eat us
A guy who describes himself as a Chairman and CEO entrepreneur, but is really just an exterminator that owns his own car (Blue Beetle).
Can you believe that guy we met last night at Applebee’s that ordered a Long Island iced tea?! He’s such a basic Mitch.
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an american comedian known for his one-line non sequiturs. he was hilarious and may he rest in peace
I slept at my friends house, and he said "you have to sleep on the floor" i said "Damn gravity...got me again! You don't know how badly i wanted to sleep on the wall!"_ Mitch Hedberg
and
I have a king sized bed. Now i don't know any kings, but I'm sure that if one slept over, he would be comfortable... "Hey I'm a king!" "well you'll never guess what I have in store for you, exactly to your specifications"-Mitch Hedberg
and
You know how people say "i don't care if they're black, white, purple or green!"? ..oh now hold on a minute, you gotta draw the line somewhere...to hell with purple people! unless they're suffocating...theenn help em!-Mitch Hedberg
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