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Random
When you think you're pregnant but your actually just Jewish.
Sandra keeps buying baby stuff but addressing me with "Shalom!" everytime she sees me. I think she might have Phantom Pregnant Jew Syndrome.
I’m sorry if I’m annoying you guys.
I’m just starting to get a little edgy. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut.
I’m not really sure what to do. And my future seems a bit uncertain…
Sorry UD Jews
A Jewish person (typically between ages 10-20) who is very based and proud of themself. They are on tiktok and they hate antisemites. Their comments are spammed with antisemites either named something like user728372937383, austrianpainter8293, or kanyefan82839. They don't let any comments like those change their opinion on their religion. They explain why antisemitic arguments are invalid all the time. And for fun, they post them celebrating their holidays on tiktok.
Miriam is so amazing! She is such a based Jew.
A very irritating person who tends to blame you for things that are absolutely ridiculous.
Person: Oh shit that was my dog in my blankets ive been kicking for 45 minutes
Blame jew: Its your fucking fault you moronic sub-creature failed abortion fucker
Person: woah calm your tits jesus christ
Blame jew: YOU DID 9/11
Instrumental sorcery produced by Jewish Mystics. I.e. Dessert Dwellers, Kalya Scintilla, etc...
Upon arrival at the festival we were immediately sucked in by the wonky Jew-du coming from the speakers.
When your so-called ex best friend comes to visit you and shits on your good sheets after eating gefilte fish and matzo ball soup.
Rachel: Jesus H. Christ, what the fuck? You stupid bitch, you just shit all over these sheets that I paid good money for, not even on clearance. You dumb fucking jew bag.
Ori: Surprise surprise. That’s what you get, it’s called a jew bag surprise, I have always been jealous of you and I couldn’t wait to drop a big log on your fucking sheets.
A man who refuses to take his wife/girlfriend out to dinner. He will only go if they split the bill.
Marco is a dutch jew, he makes her pay for 1/2 of the dinner check.