wanked flat

When you masturbate so much your penis becomes flat

The wanker wanked so much he became wanked flat.

Razor wank

When you jack off with razorblades

I just went to the er because I had a nice razor wank

focus wank

when a man jacks off in order to be able to focus on the current task at hand

person 1: Where did Mike go?
person 2: He went of for a focus wank

yorkshire wank

Four blokes in a field having a communal tug

I saw those guys having a Yorkshire wank on the moors few days ago

Lazy Wank

When you can't be arsed to use the sink and you roll to the edge of the bed and bash your meat till you dribble man porridge on the floor.

I had a lazy wank last night.

Wank Burrito

Masturbating into a microwaved tortilla wrap until ejaculation occurs, wrapping it up like a burrito and serving it to an enemy

'Din!' Announced Rogle, 'I just made a wank burrito and serving it to Dennis with his pepper coffee!'

Creasant wank

The art of arranging your 5 favourite porn mags open at your favourite pages into an arc in front of you giving you a 180 degree visual feast to focus on whilst polishing ones trumpet
Sadly becoming more seldom practiced with the advent of on -line rhythm stimulation using tablets and computers

“Can’t wait for the mrs to go out to the bingo later

I’m backing up that much I’m gonna have me a creasant wank “