Irish I Were Drunk

"I wish I was drunk"

This phrase pokes fun at Irish people because they stereotypically drink a lot of alcohol. Not only does the phrase sound as though it is being spoken by a drunk person, it includes the word "Irish."

Drunk Irish Man: Irish I were drunk!

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I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

A spoof, often on a t-shirt, of someone who is so drunk that they begin to confuse words in a sentence with other words, and switch their places, often after an all night party.

"Joe, you can't drive home, you're wasted."
"Yeah, I'll drive you man."
"Nah, guys, don't worry about it. I'm not as think as you drunk I am."

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Drunk octopus that wants to love you

A mystical creature that has 8 moving appendages that may look askew, but wants nothing more than to love you. Likely not inebriated but sweet enough to be made of macaroons.

"So _______ and I were getting really excited one night and we started to take off each other's clothes, that is when I realized he was a Drunk octopus that wants to love you!"

girl: Hey _______, come over here...

drunk octopus that wants to love you: okay... (wiggles ears.... licks lips... wiggles nose... walks over to girl, takes off her clothes... wiggles 8th appendage)

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Too Broke to Drink Too Drunk to Work

A state of being when one is too hungover to go to work, but is too broke to have being able to afford alcohol in the first place.

1. Rob: Is Tom coming in today? He is 3 hours late.
James: No, he called in. He is hungover.
Rob: I thought he was broke
James: He is! Maybe he sold his plasma TV for a 5th.
Rob: Too Broke to Drink Too drunk to work! Damn.

2. Jerry: Hey Tom, wanna get crunk tonight?
Tom: Hell yeah! I'll go turn in my pop bottles and forget my electric bill until next week! I've been dying to burn those candles!

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knee walking commode hugging snot slinging drunk

n.) a truly envious condition, indeed. To have consumed so much alcohol that most of one's motor skills are severely impaired. One in this condition will walk on his or her knees to decrease the distance he or she may fall in the event of a tumble, thus limiting injury, and the commode hugging comes in when the individual prays to regurgitate, thereby alleviating some of the associated nausea. The snot-slinging simply appears to be a side-effect--however when spoken to, a person in this condition will spray a combination of mucus and spit to who ever he or she is conversing with.

Alex drank way too many Tequia Fannybangers and did too many jello shots last night and wound up knee walking commode hugging snot slinging drunk before half the party guests arrived.

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I’m so drunk I can’t even see straight

Fucking bitch shoot the gun have some fun

I’m so drunk I can’t even see straight . Right now. NOOOOO

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drunk sciencing

When a drunk person attempts to do science.

I was drunk sciencing last night and things did not turn out well!