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the 108 year old virgin. Also known as the most amazing being to walk the earth. The only fictional character I've ever fallen for. The only fictional character worth falling for.
Stephenie Meyer is god.
Hes also a "vegetarian" vampire ;)
(meaning he doesn't prey on humans; only animals)
"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars-points of light and reason.
. . . And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."
-Edward Cullen (pg.514, Eclipse. Stephenie Meyer)
1175👍 1317👎
A sissy, pathetic and lame excuse for a vampire. What was once a well respected and feared, truly evil creature of nightmare has now been turned into a bleeding vagina symbol of puberty, vanity and Hot Topic. He is an incredibly two-demensional and skin deep character who's only thought process is "I love you, Bella, I love you, Bella, I love you, Bella, etc...". I will never forgive Stephenie Meyer for this attrocity. Bram Stoker must be turning in his grave.
Sorry to burst you wet dream bubble you emo, vampire-wanabes, but Edward has so many undateable qualities about him I thought I'd list a few.
1. He sparkles like glitter. Last time I checked straight men didn't do that.
2. He can't get a boner: Boners are caused when the spongy tissue (not a muscle) of the penis fills with warm, circulating blood. Edward's heart does not pump blood throughout his system as he is dead, and therefore it is not logical for him to get a boner. In lamen's terms, Edward has a permanent softy. At least now we know why he won't screw Bella despite the fact that she is whorishly throwing herself at him.
3. He is old. 107 years old I believe. Even though you have probably heard this argument before, you probably have not thought about the fact that being this old probably makes him a racist, a sexist, a communist and every other -ist that I can think of.
4. Finally, the guy is DEAD! What the hell is wrong with you? You necrophiliacs.
Girl with down syndrome: OMG EDWARD CULLEN IS SOOO HAWT. I TOTALLY LOVE HIM AND I WANT TO MARRY HIM. HE IS GORGEOUS AND HAS NO FLAWS. YATTI YATTI YATTA, BLAH BLAH BLAH etc etc etc
Me: there goes another one of god's disappointments.
9👍 5👎
After ejaculating on a girls face, glitter is thrown all over the ejaculate so as to cause glimmering from the nearest light source emulating the shimmer of the faggy vampires, The Cullens, in the Twilight Saga.
This chick kept telling me she was waiting for her "Edward", so when I finally got to hit it I gave her The Cullen Facial!
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THE hottest fictional character ever created by Stephenie Meyer.
He has mesys bronze hair, super-pale skin that sparkles in the sunlight, and is really tall. He's super strong, super fast, and above all, a vegetarian vampire!
'You are /exactly/ my brand of heroin.' -Edward Cullen
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That vampire that dazzles people. All the guys are jelous of him, and all the girls are obbsesed with him. He sets an extremly high expectation for girls looking for guys. Unfortunatly he is a fictional character from Stephanie Meyer's novels: Twilight Saga.
Girl #1: Hey doesnt Jeff look hot today!?
Girl #2: Not as hot as Edward Cullen!
Girl #1: WHO!?
Girl #2: You dont know Edward Cullen?
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Fairy.
I mean, c'mon! He doesn't drink human blood, he can go out in daylight, and he SPARKLES. He is NOT a vampire. He is, however, a fairy.
Twitard- Ahhh, Edward Cullen is the hottest vampire EVER!
Normal person- Dude, he isn't a vampire, he's a fairy.
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A reject from the United States Army, in his miserable years he finds himself doing many unspeakable sex acts. Some of which include vomiting in another’s anus then proceeding to have his way.
That dude is such a bitch, he’s a really dirty cullen
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