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Recovering Guido

After many long, hard years of perfecting the legendary hairstyle with gallons of gel, consecutively tanning to reach expected standards, pumping iron until each chisel of every muscle visibly shows through your one-size-too-small-for-your-now-jacked-body ghinny tee, and, obviously, mastering the infamous fist pump so that each pump is in sync with the rhythm of the beats blasting through the walls of Sound Factory, you start to realize that you’re 28 years old and you’ve reached, exceeded and then over-exceeded any expectations that were put in front of you that day in high school when you decided to take on such an exuberating challenge and now you have nothing more to live for since you’ve devoted so much blood, sweat and tears into perfecting your distinguished way of life, so you opt for that other way of life that everyone else in the world has decided to choose.

Guido: Yo bro, im feelin good tonite bro. We gota juice up nice n get ta da club. Me n you, bro, wea gona bang mad bitches at the club, u kno wa im sayin?

Recovering Guido: I’m sorry, Tony. I can’t. I’ve been guido-free for 10 months now and my guidos anonymous leader says I’m doing real good. Sometimes I get the urge to buy more hair gel, but that’s not what’s affecting me the most. It’s when the beats start playing in my head over and over and all I want to do is pump my fucking fist so hard in the air. It’s so hard Tony. I’m learning to take deep breaths and breathe though, this normal way of life isn’t that bad after all. You should try it too.

Guido: Wack, bro.

by a lion. December 5, 2009

11👍 2👎


Guido Hatzis

Greek adonis/legend known for his ability to attract women and kickboxing ability. Has gained a cult following among the highly educated. See also "The besht."

Quote: "Where there's me, there's ladies."

by Miles November 25, 2003

59👍 22👎


Southern guido

The southern Guido- (adj)- generally a male born in the south. This "gentlemen" drives a truck with stickers such as "salt life" or "costa" and the truck is quite often lifted or equipped with all terrain tires. This gent..leman loves to dress in a polo or Lacoste shirt, khakis and either boat shoes or air maxes. (Guy Harvey shirt and shorts atleast one inch above the knee is needed in casual situations) They always have a pair of sunglasses around thier neck be it day or night and will most likely have hair which will cover the forehead and ears. Hats will bear a college football team or will be a visor bearing "Afco." Some frequent the gym and definatly " can kick anyones ass" even if the opponent is double their size. Packs of southern guidos will infest one bar and "own" the bar. This "southern guido owned" bar is now equivalent to a high school reunion of southern guidos. They love to drink cheap beer in large quantity or cheap whiskey. This young man usually smokes marlboro lights or dips either grizzy or skoal wintergreen. He may or may not smoke marijuana and may or may not take xanax bars. He is a die hard football fan of whichever college team is biggest in his particular state, and hates anything but S.E.C. football. Any sport besides football or baseball is viewed negativelly and thought of as "pussy shit." They hate all northeners, especially northern guidos, but still watch " jersey shore", solely for the reason of making fun of the show.

Kid 1: Man, that bar was full of southern guidos.

Kid 2: I know did you see how they all started trying to fight me because I looked in their general direction?

Kid 1: Yeah, probably because your shirt says Nautica instead of Polo.

by Southern situation March 7, 2012

10👍 2👎


Guido Key

A keyboard button that automates typing in alternating caps and random punctuation. Like the shift key, but for lazy people.

yO bRoSkI tHiS bLaCkBeRrY sToRm hAz a GuIdO kEy BuIlT iN sO i CaN tElL a.:?Ll ThE bItChEs aBo!Ut My NeW hAiRcUt.

by WaLdO pRoMoTiOnS September 8, 2009

7👍 1👎


Guido dance

The guido dance is a series of alternating vertical air punches, done without moving anything else. It was invented by Russians in the Ural mountains with a downward pumping motion, but the guidos don't want you to know that. The Italians took it sometime around World War I, and used their vast network of spies to hide the existence of the more noble Ural dance.

See that moron flailing his arms in the air? Yeah, he's doing a Guido Dance.

by bad news bares November 17, 2008

45👍 20👎


Guido Burrito

noun: A self proclaimed Guido of Latin descent. Most common origin is the Southwest. Guido Burritos take part in normal Guido activities and live by the motto Gym, Tan, Laundry. Unlike their Italian counterparts, they are not typically as muscular. In the Guido Burrito culture it is also acceptable to use mass amounts of of hair spray, and wear a rosary solely in an attempt to be fashionable. Other Guido Burrito fashion consists of Affliction and TapouT apparel. Most common sightings occur at local bars and clubs throughout the southwest.

Look at that Guido Burrito over there. Actin' like he's straight out of Jersey. More like straight out of the barrio.

by Profreshional Production November 22, 2010

19👍 7👎


guido and the guy

In the middle of an anal spit roast, both men not only switch positions but also turn around and assume doggy position. So that the female is now sucking one guy from the back (we call that talking shit) and the other guy is in her ass (we call that shit talking). When both men are ready to cum, they pull out, turn around and hold hands, arms up. Fingers interlocked like trusses on a bridge, while the female then performs a Michigan Row Boat.

We let a chick talk me and my bro in to a Guido and the Guy. And you know what? We're better for it.

by IpNyurButt December 19, 2020