You have a zero balance

A statement that always brings a really nice sens of relief to see/hear when checking/inquiring about your account-status.

"You have a zero balance" is comparably welcome to seeing that delightful little word "approved" pop up on the LCD display of a store's card-scanner, informing you that your debit/Food Stamps card didn't have a problem processing your purchases that time.

Gustavio's balanced self

Gustavio's balanced self is really helpful. I do appreciate that. I never tell him enough. I never do many things enough. But this is about Gustavio. His balanced self.

Thank you, Gustavio's balanced self, for being there. Better late than never. Better digital than nothing at all.

Gustavio's balanced self, I still have so much work to do. Scary when I think of it. Coffee?

mounting and balancing

Play-on-words term for da pre-intercourse positioning of either yourself or your tire-shop worker --- depending on whether you’re gonna be doing it cowgirl or doggy-style, respectively --- dat would occur prior to your having sex wif him in exchange for his installing one or more tires on your car/truck and applying whatever wheel-weights are necessary. Said “bouncy-bouncy” is intended to recompense said automotive-servicing employee for his anti-wobble labors to ensure dat your VEHICLE doesn’t “do da bouncy-bouncy” as you travel down da road afterwards, and is performed due to your possessing insufficient funds in your bank account to cover da costs of said vehicle-servicing, and thus a check dat you’d write to him would ITSELF do some major “bouncing” when he tried to deposit it.

One should be wary of accepting a “mounting and balancing” deal wif a cute chick who beamingly offers you said “service for servicing” --- or perhaps dat should be spelled, “cervix for servicing” --- trade… if you naively agree to perform da wheel-repair work BEFORE said hottie allows you said promised “ultimate favor” instead of insisting dat she give you her own “servicing” first, it would be all too easy for her to simply drive off afterwards without actually spreading her legs for you!

To fair-and-balance

To engage in practices that result in fair and balanced news reporting.

After news reported that 1.5 million liberals marched on DC, Fox News to fair-and-balance 'd it by polling 100 CEOs.

Load Balancing

Load balancing is a pornographic method for distributing loads across multiple sexual partners.

Frank: OH man, it was a close call last night. I had to enable Load Balancing to satisfy three ladies at once.

Bob: Nice!