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Canadian Freedom of Speech

According to some Americans, it does not exist.

(Conversation taking place in Toronto)
Justin: So whatโ€™s with freedom of speech here?
Trish: They donโ€™t have it
Justin: What?
Waitress: What? (Looking confused)
Trish: There is no such thing as Canadian Freedom of Speech
Tony: Thatโ€™s not accurate

by Not Really JTanis7 January 4, 2019

1๐Ÿ‘ 1๐Ÿ‘Ž


Speech Language Pathologist

An occupation that requires too much schooling so you can โ€œmake people talkโ€. Also, helps neurologically impaired people swallow their food. Can play cards with dementia patients and push buttons of pictures on computers too.

Nurse: โ€œWatch out if you donโ€™t swallow that pill, Iโ€™m going to tell the Speech Language Pathologist.โ€

SLP: (Holding up a pen). What is this?

Patient: (pushes button with picture of a pen)

Computer : Says โ€œPenโ€

Patients Spouse: โ€œYou are the best Speech Language Pathologist.โ€

by IHavewaystomakeutalk February 23, 2019

3๐Ÿ‘ 8๐Ÿ‘Ž


Roblox Text-to-Speech "stories"

A video made using the app CapCut where there are 4 characters in a Roblox group chat, and one of them is either 5 years old or 70 years old.

"Hey man, want to play some Roblox?"
"Sorry I'm to busy watching Roblox Text-to-Speech "stories"."

by aleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeex April 22, 2022


Leland Speech and Debate

Leland Speech and Debate (LSD) ((Yes, that's the actual abbreviation)) is a program designed to teach students about the art of performing. There are two options, which are either speech or debate. However, while speech and debate isn't inherently a bad thing, Leland Speech and Debate is. The reasons are as follows:

1. Pride. Every coach and teacher is always right, no matter what. You will always be at fault for everything that happens.

2. Greed. The program "requires" a starting donation of $600 from each student, which is an extreme detriment to poorer families. Furthermore, each tournament requires a fee to be paid, further increasing the frivolous spending by several parents and guardians.

3. Lust. LSD loses track of its own independence in the attempt to follow other successful speech programs footsteps, thus, becoming one of the many other faceless speech programs in the midst.

4. Envy. LSD always tries to be what it can't, instead becoming resentful and releasing its rage upon the innocent students enrolled in the program.

5. Gluttony. LSD only uses a fraction of all of its money to fund the coaches, tournaments, and classes.

6. Wrath. If you miss one of the many deadlines, you will get yelled at. No way around it. Even if it's something you cannot control, they don't care.

7. Sloth. Information is never presented in a timely manner. Several deadlines are proposed without a reasonable amount of time to achieve them.

Richard: Hey, did you enjoy Leland Speech and Debate?

Richard Jr.: Fuck no! I wish I was never enrolled in this class!

Jasmine: Of course! Now I'm going to study for 4 hours, practice my 6 instruments, and finish my homework in 15 minutes!

by CrystalGeyserman February 3, 2021

6๐Ÿ‘ 27๐Ÿ‘Ž


The Greatest Speech of All Time

Nothing will ever top this one. We have reached the peak of human intelligence. The only way going forward from here as a society is down because the peak is behind us.

The Greatest Speech of All Time-

*inserts chewing tobacco into lip*
*leaves room to make speech*
*spits into bottle*
"Shutruk-Nakhunte, is anyone familiar with him? If not, let me tell you. He was a damn king, sovereign of the land of Elam, destroyer of Sippar, but Shutruk-Nakhunte ain't in no history books. You may ask why, well let me tell you! Great ambition and conquest without contribution is meaningless. What will your contribution be? How will you make an impact?! How will history remember you?!! Shutruk-Nakhunte, utterly forgotten, king of nothing. Thank you, everybody, don't become complacent hooah."
*walks back into room*
*audience stands in shock and awe at what just happened; some shit themselves, and the smell is atrocious*
*luckily, there's a few trash cans to catch the shit before it gets all over the floor*

by Nazeem February 6, 2021

9๐Ÿ‘ 1๐Ÿ‘Ž


High Capacity Assault Speech

A Neo-Orwellian Democrat phrase, intentionally created with a wide-sweeping and ambiguous scope, used to define what was once formerly known as "telling the truth", or the dangerous use of using maths and statistics to prove someone else wrong.

"I tried to tell Brenda that gun deaths are an epidemic within America, to which she responded with High Capacity Assault Speech, explaining that gun deaths aren't even in the top ten causes of death in the United States. And there are, in fact, more deaths caused by hands, feet, knives, and blunt instruments by a magnitude of about eighty. I have reported her to the thought police so that she may be dealt with swiftly, and that our Holy Narrative may be protected."

by Krythic May 15, 2021

6๐Ÿ‘ 1๐Ÿ‘Ž


last night on earth speech

a speech to convince one to have sex using an overly exaggerated or lame excuse. in other words it's the speech that leads to apocalypse sex.
derived from the series supernatural s.6 e.10

Dean Winchester: Hmm. So, dangerous mission tomorrow. Guess it's time to eat, drink and, you know, make merry.

Jo Harvelle: Are you giving me the Last Night on Earth Speech?

by lunarwena June 20, 2011

12๐Ÿ‘ 4๐Ÿ‘Ž