National don't slap your boyfriends ass day

March 12th is the official day where you can NOT slap your boyfriends ass.

*girlfriend slaps ass* "Hey, you can't do that, its National don't slap your boyfriends ass day!" *knocks girlfriend out*

We don't really talk unless it's to pass the jam

If you don't talk to another person unless you have to, like siblings that don't talk to each other unless it's to ask to be passed the jam, then you don't really talk unless it's to pass the jam

Katy: Hey! See not Tommy recently?
Jamie: Nah, I don't see much of him now
Katy: Why? I thought you were friends!
Jamie: Yeah, but then he got cocky over something and now we don't really talk unless it's to pass the jam.
Katy: Prrrrrffff, boys!

don't go, stay and eat my ass

What you say to someone after they discover thier insults are not having any effect and leave.

1: And damn, your pussy is so hairy.

2: you faggot, you fantasise about that shit

1: and you don't wear a tampn either, it's so disgustingly cute

*continues for a few minutes*

2:Freak, I'm leaving now


1: don't go, stay and eat my ass!

9👍 45👎

Don't count your chicken heads before they swallow

This is my adaptation of the old saying "Don't count your chickens before they hatch". It essentially means the same thing which is not to depend/rely on something until you actually posses it, or it has come to fruition (although this has a more sexual and masaginistic twist to it).

Jeremy Conway, inventor of the jarvik artificial heart, is counting on buying a new car with money he'd potentially make from manufacturing DMT, a highly potent psychedelic tryptamine, in his home laboratory and illegally distributing it on the street to worthless junkies. His intentions are to use his new car to carry out a violent and fatal drive-by shooting on this kid mitch who punked him on some fake molly, a powerful version of the popular rave drug ecstasy. His lover/best friend, rat-tail, knows there is a high likelihood that a number of things could go wrong and that he might not actually make the money he intends on making and may even get popped or blow up his house during the process of refining the DMT. He says to his home girl rat-tail, "Yo biatch when I get me that sweet 97' Plymouth Prowler we're gonna go bust some caps in 'dem asses son". Rat-tail replies "Yo I know your penis is gargantuan and what not, but how do you know you are going to get that cheddar, to get that ride, to put down those trifling ass punk bitches? I mean all I'm saying Jeremy Conway, inventor of the jarvik artificial heart, Don't count your chicken heads before they swallow".

45👍 37👎

Why don't you grow a sack and do it, Laddie?

A phrase spoken with an Irish or Scottish accent, meaning, be a man and get it done.

Guy1: I don't think i can do it.

Irishman: Why don't you grow a sack and do it, Laddie?

5👍 2👎

guns don't kill people, people kill people

Bumper-sticker slogan of NRA supporters, which states an obvious fact and insinuates that gun-control proponents are ignorant of it. It is grounded in the belief that gun-control would be ineffective because situations where someone would not have died if a gun had not been present do not arise or are much more rare than situations when fear of retaliation deters violence.

NRA guy: Guns don't kill people, people kill people.
Regular person: Don't guns enable people to kill people?
NRA guy: No, that never happens.
Regular person: Statistics show much less gun violence in comparable countries with gun-control.
NRA guy: Using statistics is unfair.

215👍 241👎

if you can't bear the fire, don't place the wood

used when a person provokes others but can't bear when they react, the teaser doesn't like and try to escape

John : You're so stupid Don
Don: I'm not as stupid as your sister
John : don't talk about my sister
Don: If you can't bear the fire, don't place the wood.

9👍 6👎