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When you can't attend/participate in (work) "functions" such as Happy Hour, client parties, the office holiday party, etc.
Melissa - "I'm too hung over to go to this wine tasting event tonight but the client expects someone from our office to be there."
Ann Marie - "Do you need me to be your stand-in alcoholic?"
Melissa - "WOULD YOU?! That would be such a big help."
Anna - "I already went to 3 parties this week! I can't go to anymore. I need to give my liver a rest. Do you want to be my stand-in alcoholic? There should be some cute guys there."
Ann Marie - "Sure!"
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THE ALCOHOL GREMLIN:
A man or woman that steals the alcohol from a VIP table in a nightclub. Often spotted in Marbella/Spain.
HOW TO SPOT AN ALCOHOL GREMLIN:
Usually dressed up with fake accesories, e.g. Armoni, Luisi Vittong, Fucci & Dolce & Banana.
The alochol gremlin has evolved it senses to always hunt down and find the most expensive bottles in the nightclub.
Typical Alcohol Gremlin Scenario:
Gremlin: Hey how are you?
Victim: I am fine.
Germlin: Hey look there... (reaches out for the bottle).
Victim: Where? (looks away)
Gremlin: (gone, bottle empty).
Victim: (left sober with the bill)
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Having enough alcohal in the system to be unable to perform any sexual act(s) without falling over, vomiting, yelling obscene things, falling asleep.
-One of the few cures to this, is throwing a bucket of Ice-cold water onto said person(s) face.
Buddy : " Man, last night was the worst, my girlfriend and I were finally about to do the ' dirty deed ' but I had a drink or two too many and I couldn't do it. "
Friend : " Man, sounds like you had Whiskey Dick. "
Guy : "Hold on, did you fall over, or vomit or anything? "
Buddy : " yeah, and I eventually fell asleep. "
Guy : " You had alcohol cock. "
Someone who is impossible of spending more than 5 minutes in an airport without getting drunk. Often, used as an coping mechanism for flying anxiety.
Friend 1: I freak out every time I fly.
Friend 2: How are you going to handle that flight to Amsterdam?
Friend 1: I’m an airport alcoholic.
Friend 1: There is was a thunderstorm, so all flights were delayed for 2 hours.
Friend 2: Oh, fuck.
Friend 1: Yeah, everyone just became an airport alcoholic like me.
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A person whose body acts as a sponge and soaks up much more alcohol than you would believe possible for their size.
Dude, you can't outdrink him! He's an alcohol-sponge!
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noun.
A Sophisticated Alcoholic is someone who predominantly consumes high tier alcoholic beverages-cocktails. Occasionally, shooters fall under the repertoire of the Sophisticated Alcoholic.
There is a slight movement towards the sophistication of the Jazz Era, as evidenced by the influx of many Sophisticated Alcoholics.
"Jimmy is a Sophisticated Alcoholic. A Campari Orange will get you his affection."
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Someone who regardless of any situation can destroy any alcoholic beverage in their path.
Alcohol Hero
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