have you got a pass

A joke about how schools have passes for everything.

Student: "Can I borrow a pen"
Teacher: "have you got a pass?"

you dont have a head to stand on

A way of telling someone they are wrong, or declaring a conversation over.

Inspiration taken from "you dont have a leg to stand on"

Emphasis is to be put on the word head, and lesser emphasis is to be put on the words stand.

Proper execution: "You dont have a HEAD, to STAND on."

Person 1: So, I saw your brother out walking your dog earlier.
Person 2: we dont have a dog.
Person 1: I definitely saw your brother with a dog.
Person 2: Dude, we dont have a dog.
Person 1: Maybe he was walking someone else's dog.
Person 2: You're wrong.
Person 1: You dont have a HEAD to stand on!
Person 2: ...alright fine, maybe we got a dog this morning.

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Have you heard of Achilles?

A rhetorical question asked to a dumbfounded person in response to a question, due to a term they are unaware of.

Example: Don’t be a complete bush and meet me at Casa de Tempe.

Answer: Where is that at?

Rebuttal: Have you heard of Achilles?

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have you shit the bed

A term used to mock someone when they are up early in the morning (meaning they aren't usually up early)

It's only 5am,have you shit the bed?

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where have you been?

the question every man fears...

wife: where have you been?
husband: ...

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you don't have to tell me twice

Another way of saying, "I understand" or "I already know."

(patiently listens to a broken man's pitiful, self-depreciating speech)

My Response: "You don't have to tell me twice and I'm okay with it as long as you stay away from my sis. P.S., Jesus loves you and everyone else thinks you're an idiot."

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Have you met me?

What you say to someone when they act surprised by something you did that is totally you. Used whenever someone shows they don't know you as well as they think.

Riley: "Kelley, why did you eat the last piece of cake?"
Kelley: "HAVE YOU MET ME?"

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